[FoF] Scars of Yesterday 9/24

[dracoqueen22]

Scars of Yesterday
Chapter Nine

Soundwave didn't know which was worse: that the twins felt they had to use their bodies to pay their way or that he was legitimately disappointed they would only extend an interest to him because they felt they had to. Perhaps it was a mix of both.

What had he done wrong? How had he given them the idea they owed him something?

He fled his nest without true destination in mind. Liege Megatron had given him leave from his duties for a couple of days to help get Sideswipe and Sunstreaker acclimated, and that was to be Soundwave's only task. Frenzy and Rumble, he knew, were helping Perceptor in the library -- a safe, educational place for both. Ravage had an eye on Vortex.

Where was Buzzsaw?

Soundwave tried to remember, but his thoughts kept wandering again to Sunstreaker's hesitant touch, the ripple of unease and determination and reluctance which surrounded Sunstreaker in a grey miasma. Where there should have been warmth, there was only cold, and Soundwave's stomach churned. He worried he might lose his breakfast.

He was not often touched. Such was the way of things. Other than the affection his siblings gave him, the occasional hug or pat from Liege Megatron, Soundwave did not often touch people. His... unique ability made it uncomfortable.

To feel such a thing from Sunstreaker...

Soundwave aimed for the nearest breath of fresh air and plunged onto a balcony, breathing deep of the damp, chilly air. Luckily, there was no one present to notice his emotional state. He gripped the railing with trembling hands and closed his eyes.

Sunstreaker had not been afraid of him, not in the traditional sense, but there had been fear around him. Fear and revulsion in the hesitation of his touch. Soundwave had never wanted anyone less.

The cool breeze eased the knot of tension in his belly, and the urge to disgorge his breakfast. He breathed steadily, until his knees stopped trembling, and he knew he could face Sideswipe and Sunstreaker without overreacting.

“What are you doing out here?”

Soundwave startled, only half-turning to acknowledge the owner of the voice. He knew without looking that it was Starscream, though it bothered him that he was so distracted he hadn’t heard Starscream approach.

“I know it’s not for the view,” Starscream added as he swished into step beside Soundwave, a bundle of irritation and exasperation.

“Solitude,” Soundwave said.

Starscream, of course, didn’t catch the hint, or willfully ignored it. “A flight would be better for that,” he said, only to give Soundwave a long look before adding, “Though maybe it’s a good thing you’re not flying right now. You look like you’re about to fall over. Is everything okay? Do I need to go find one of your runts?”

Soundwave drew in a heavy breath and shifted his mask around his face. “I am their caretaker, not the other way around,” he said. “I’m fine.”

Starscream snorted. “Yeah, sure.” He leaned on the railing, shoulders hunched, staring into the distance. “Since you’re fine and all, think you can do me a favor and convince Megatron to lift the restrictions? I need to get back to the university.”

Oh. Right.

Starscream had been missing around the time they discovered Rodimus and Frenzy’s kidnapping. Soundwave vaguely remembered mention of his return, but had been otherwise occupied at the time. If he’d been in Kaon University, well, that explained his absence.

No doubt he’d been with his human friend.

“Be patient. Megatron’s caution understandable,” Soundwave said.

“I’m perfectly safe there.” Irritation flickered around Starscream in visible waves. “This is ridiculous.”

Soundwave lifted his chin. “Safe at the university, perhaps. Safe on the journey? We don’t know.”

Starscream harrumphed, his tail flicking back and forth, brushing over Soundwave’s feet. “Is that what has you out here gripping the balcony rail as though you’ve suddenly gained a fear of heights?” he asked. “Or was it something else?”

Annoying he might be, but never let it be said Starscream was unintelligent. He was sharp. Too sharp for Soundwave’s comfort.

“My wards are… complicated,” Soundwave admitted begrudgingly, and only because he suspected Starscream was one of the residents of Kaon who might understand Sideswipe and Sunstreaker’s unique origins. Not because Starscream was a twin, but because Soundwave knew something of the culture in Vos, and had his suspicions about why Starscream had left.

If he’d had a mate like Astrotrain waiting for him, Soundwave would have fled Vos also. He was certain his research only told half the story.

“A pair of twins who’ve spent their lives being owned by the humans? Yeah, I’ll bet they are,” Starscream said. “What happened?”

Soundwave pressed his lips together, but who else would he talk to about this? Megatron? He might decide to give the twins to someone else’s care, someone who might not understand their unique circumstances. Orion? Well, he was a possibility, Soundwave supposed.

He’d go to Orion next if talking to Starscream proved pointless.

“They misunderstand our kindness,” Soundwave said, choosing his words carefully. “They believe they have to… pay for it.”

“Pay,” Starscream echoed, and though Soundwave couldn’t see his face, he felt the spike of disgust, anger, and then, sad understanding from him. “I can imagine what the humans thought two pretty smols could offer.”

“Mm.” Soundwave made a non-committal noise.

“And you’re their caretaker,” Stasrcream mused aloud. “They must have thought you were the one they owed.” He shifted, turning his back to the horizon, his gaze focused on Soundwave. “They came onto you.”

Soundwave slipped a hand under his mask, rubbing the side of his face. “I refused.”

“Of course you did. You’re a decent person.” Starscream snorted and tilted his head back, his feathers ruffling in the breeze. “But will that rejection reassure them, or worry them more? Not to mention…” Here he paused to shudder theatrically. “Ugh. I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t actually want me. Just the thought makes my skin crawl.”

“Yes,” Soundwave agreed.

Starscream gnawed on a talon. “Yeah. I’d seek out a quiet place to think, too.” He sighed, long and low, and dropped his hand from his mouth. “I think it’s a good thing you reacted the way you did. If I were them, well, I’d be suspicious of anything less.”

“It wouldn’t feel genuine.”

“Exactly.” Starscream started gnawing on his talon again, as if the moment’s pause had been an afterthought. “They’re not going to believe words. They’ll only trust what they know. You just have to keep showing them.”

Soundwave nodded, breathing in deep before releasing it again. Surprisingly, he felt better. “I will.”

“I know. You’re one of the good ones.” Starscream loosed a little laugh, though it still sounded tense. “There are a lot of good ones here actually. It was worth the risk to come here. With time, they’ll see that, too.”

Soundwave made a noncommittal noise. “Thank you,” he said. “And I shall speak to Liege Megatron, though I do not anticipate much use in it.”

“Yeah, if it had been Blurr who’d vanished, I’d have probably done the same thing.” Starscream sighed. “I’ll just be patient.”

Soundwave patted Starscream on the shoulder, wishing he could do more to assist as Starscream had offered him solid advice, but alas, he had none for this particular situation. He didn’t know why Starscream wanted to return to the human so badly, though he had his suspicions. There was more between Starscream and his human than mere friendship, Soundwave was sure of it.

He excused himself and traced his steps, back to his nest and the mess he’d left behind. He would be firm with Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, but he would also heed Starscream’s advice. He would show them they had nothing to fear.

The whisper of wingbeats preceded Buzzsaw’s arrival and Soundwave paused mid-stride, waiting for him to land on Soundwave’s shoulder.

“Where’s ‘Beak?” he asked as he landed easily and plopped down, legs hanging over the edge. “Wasn’t she with you?”

Oh.

Soundwave had completely forgotten. He’d left her with Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

“She was,” Soundwave said. “What have you been up to?”

Buzzsaw flickered with dismissal. “Watching. Not that anything interesting is going on today. Just a lot of muttering about the humans and what happened.”

“Issues?”

“No. Not really. The human danger is kind of a given. Everyone thinks Liege did the best he could in the circumstances. They like that he closed the gates,” Buzzsaw answered. He was second only to Ravage in information gathering. He had a way of blending into the background despite being relatively brightly colored.

Or so Soundwave had been told.

“Do they still feel safe?”

“Yes.” Buzzsaw shifted his weight for every one of Soundwave’s steps. He did not cling like Laserbeak. “They trust Megatron to protect them.”

It was a relief. Soundwave didn’t want to see the aerie collapse because of the actions of a few rogue humans.

“They’re really curious about the new arrivals,” Buzzsaw continued. “Ratchet’s got Skids and Vortex in the clinic still, but people have caught glimpses of our twins, and the rumors are rampant. I mean, they’re very pretty, Soundwave. I know you can’t see it, but they are. They’re going to get a lot of attention.”

Soundwave sighed. “That’s unfortunate.” He paused before he entered the nest, and told himself it was because he wanted to speak without them hearing, and not because he was hesitating. “We must do our best to dissuade the attention, Buzzsaw. They will not like it, and they will misunderstand it.”

“You want me to drive everyone else away?” Buzzsaw chortled and delight rose from him in waves. “You’re giving me permission to be caustic? Oh, this is a gift.”

“I knew you’d approve.”

Soundwave pulled back the curtain and stepped into the nest, bracing himself for the emotional onslaught, and blinking when none occurred. He sensed an undercurrent of confusion, a ripple of guilt, but overall, the atmosphere was calm and contemplative.

“There you are!” Laserbeak declared from the direction of the balcony, and Soundwave glanced her direction, her delight a beacon to the darker, larger shapes behind her.

They’d apparently been lounging in the late afternoon sunlight, the curtains drawn back to let in a wet breeze. Winter was gradually on its way out, bringing in the damp spring, and with it, mating season.

“I wasn’t missing,” Buzzsaw grumbled.

“I wasn’t talking about you, silly,” Laserbeak said as she scampered across the floor and climbed up Soundwave with enviable agility, only to perch on his opposite shoulder. “I talked to them, Soundwave. I think they understand better now.”

“Talked? Talked about what?”

“Hush. It’s none of your business.”

Soundwave sighed. “Laserbeak. Buzzsaw. Find your brothers and go secure us a table for dinner, please.”

“It’s early!” Buzzsaw complained.

“How are you going to get there?” Laserbeak asked.

“I can find my own way, you know that,” Soundwave said, tasting not her genuine worry, but her desire to be present when Soundwave spoke with the others. She could be so nosy sometimes. “Go. Please.”

“Fine,” they said.

“I’ll save you a seat next to me, Sideswipe!” Laserbeak said before she and Buzzsaw both took off from his shoulder, and flew out of the nest, the curtain swishing shut behind them.

This left Soundwave with his new twins, who had not moved from their position near the balcony, wariness wreathing their bodies in a hazy cloud.

Soundwave took in a slow, steady breath and approached them, though he was careful to keep a respectable distance which couldn’t be misconstrued in any shape or form.

“I apologize,” he said, to start, but before he could continue, they leapt to their feet in a surprising burst of speed and dexterity.

“No,” said Sideswipe.

“We apologize,” said Sunstreaker.

“We were confused,” Sideswipe continued. “Laserbeak explained.” He lifted his hands, making a frustrated gesture to match the frustration coiling around him. “We help; not pay.”

“We volunteer,” Sunstreaker added.

Soundwave blinked. “Yes,” he said. What had Laserbeak said to them? Perhaps he should leave her to explain everything. “You are safe here.”

“We understand,” they said in a tandem which would probably be eerie to anyone who hadn’t spent as much time around twins as Soundwave did.

Soundwave nodded. “Good.” He wished he could see their expressions beyond the ripples of emotion, but for now, reading the relief around them would have to be enough. “Are you comfortable joining us for dinner? It would be an opportunity to meet others in the aerie.”

“Sure,” Sunstreaker said.

“I’m hungry,” Sideswipe agreed.

Apparently, it was as easy as that.

~

Soundwave did his best to keep dinner a calm and relaxing affair for his new wards. They were met in the dining hall by the rest of his siblings, Buzzsaw having claimed a table for them and keeping others away from it with his usual charm.

Laserbeak dragged Sideswipe to the line, chattering all the way, and perched on his shoulder, pointing out things he should try, and things he should eat but he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to, and the things she wanted he should get for her, because she was little and couldn’t carry her own tray. A lie, Soundwave knew, but it seemed to amuse Sideswipe to bow to her whims.

Frenzy and Rumble accompanied Sunstreaker, one to either side of him, and their rambunctious nature while filling up their trays kept the other harpies from getting too close and riling him. Introductions were made, now and again, but Soundwave’s siblings were far too skilled at misdirection and distraction for anyone to linger overlong. Especially those who were unmated and intrigued by the pretty smols.

They were kept safe at the table in the corner, and harpies introduced themselves as they were allowed. Soundwave detected nothing from Sunstreaker and Sideswipe but enjoyment of their meal. They were relaxed and delighted, and Soundwave felt comfortable enough leaving them on their own for a bit.

Starscream’s advice had been helpful, but Soundwave felt there were other measures he could take, so with Ravage’s assistance, he sought out Orion Pax.

“He’s with Liege Megatron,” Ravage told him, padding at his side with his hands tucked behind his back. “I left Vortex sleeping for now. As far as I can tell, he’s odd, but not a threat.”

“Keep watching. I want to be sure,” Soundwave said.

“I will. Watch out for Boulder.”

Soundwave paused mid-stride as Boulder darted in front of him, Tracks on his heels, snatching up the fledgling at the last moment. Boulder giggled in his sire’s arms as Tracks spilled a hasty apology and got out of the way.

He found Orion by tracking Megatron’s distinct timbre, then making his way to the kind shape of gold glittering beside him. Orion laughed, deep in conversation with Shockwave, but he looked up as Soundwave gently touched his shoulder.

“A moment?” Soundwave asked.

“Sure.” Orion leaned in to kiss Shockwave on the cheek before he stood and stepped away from the table, taking Soundwave’s elbow gently. “Here. There’s a bit of privacy.”

“Thank you.”

There were nooks and crannies all over the place in the aerie, due to the nature of their home, so it was simple enough to find one such nook in the dining hall to grant them relative privacy. It was an unstated rule not to be bothered in a nook.

“Is everything all right?” Orion asked.

“No trouble I can’t handle,” Soundwave said, turning to scan the room out of habit more than anything, keeping a weather eye on the corner full of his twins. “A favor needed.”

“Favor?” Curiosity echoed in Orion’s tone. “Consider it done, my friend. What can I do for you?”

Soundwave glanced at the corner first, but as far as he could tell, no undesirables had approached his twins. “I am worried about some misconceptions with my new wards,” he began, returning his attention to Orion. “Is there an open nest nearby that can be arranged for them?”

Orion hummed as he considered it. “I’ll check my records, but I’m quite sure there's open space next door. We meant to make it storage due to its size, but it could easily be annexed to your nest, if you wanted.” He tilted his head. “Are you sure everything is alright?”

“Yes.” Soundwave would have reassured Orion with a smile, but he’d yet to remove his mask. “I want Sideswipe and Sunstreaker to feel safe. I hope their own space will encourage that.”

“I see.” Orion placed a warm hand on his arm. “Then I’ll look into it immediately. Thank you, Soundwave. I’m glad you’re there for them. They can use someone like you.”

Soundwave nodded. “I protect. It’s what I do.”

“You and Megatron both. It’s why you’re such good friends.” Orion chuckled and withdrew. “I’ll get back to you about the nest. Until then… if there’s anything else you need, feel free to ask.”

They went their separate ways, Orion back to the table with Shockwave and Megatron, an unusually subdued Rodimus tucked into his side. It took only a glance to assess Rodimus’ mental state -- wan, exhausted, but comfortable and reassured by Megatron’s closeness. He would bounce back, Soundwave was sure of it.

Soundwave returned to his own table, where Frenzy and Rumble scooted aside to make room for him and Ravage nudged a tray his direction, laden with foods carefully chosen for ease of consumption. Laserbeak chattered away, holding court with their new twins, and it warmed Soundwave’s core to see it.

Everything was going to be fine.

Post-dinner, Sunstreaker scooted Laserbeak onto his shoulder and said, “I want another bath.”

Sideswipe groaned and hung his head, shoulders slumping. “Sunny, I’m tired. I don’t want to spend an hour in the hot springs again.”

“No one said you have to come,” Sunstreaker said with a hearty sniff. “Laserbeak will come with me though. Won’t you?”

“Of course!” she chirped. “And Buzzsaw needs a bath, too. Come on, brother.”

“Fine,” Buzzsaw muttered, his voice singing resignation, but the plume of joy around him telling another story. He was, like most of them, infinitely weak to whatever Laserbeak wanted.

“Well, I’m going back to the nest,” Sideswipe said, a little louder, and he moved to Soundwave’s side, taking his arm without hesitation.

Soundwave froze.

“You can come to bed when you’re done,” Sideswipe added.

Sunstreaker sighed. “Fine.” He leaned in, kissed his brother on the cheek, and said something in that unique language of theirs that made Sideswipe bloom with warm affection.

“Guess you’re stuck with me,” Sideswipe said as he hooked his arm around Soundwave’s, their feathers brushing together, Sideswipe’s softer and lighter. “Help me back? My hip hurts.”

“You were walking fine earlier,” Frenzy said.

“Practically strutting,” Rumble added.

Sideswipe puffed with indignation. “Well, I’m hurting now,” he retorted, and of all things, stuck out his tongue at the two of them. “I should be resting. Ratchet said so.”

“Well, if Ratchet said it…”

Soundwave turned, guiding Sideswipe with him. “Come,” he said, and didn’t wait for an answer, heading back to the nest. He’d long since learned that if he didn’t ignore squabbles as they arose, he’d be standing or sitting around forever waiting for the argument to end.

True to his word, Sideswipe was limping. He tried to hide it, but the curls of discomfort escaped, and he all but collapsed into the nook with an audible sigh of relief.

“Why is more pain when I have care?” Sideswipe grumbled as he buried himself in blankets and pillows and got comfortable. “Too awake to sleep, too hurt to move.”

Soundwave meant to leave Sideswipe alone, but a mild panic had him settling back into place, Sideswipe’s discomfort easing once it was clear Soundwave would stay. He didn’t like to be alone.

Soundwave understood. His other twins were much like that, and he assumed it was worse for Sideswipe, who had an unhealthy dependence on his twin, and vice versa.

“I have books,” Soundwave said.

Sideswipe laughed, quiet and wry. “Do they have pictures? We can’t read. No one bothered to teach us.”

Of course they hadn’t. Soundwave immediately felt the fool for thinking it.

“You can be taught,” Soundwave said. “Though I’m afraid I can’t help much in that regard. You don’t need the same type of writing as I.” Discovering the human invention of braille, and learning how to read it had been a saving grace for Soundwave.

Sideswipe shifted in the blankets again, shoving pillows behind his back until he sat up straight. “You can’t see at all?”

“Shapes,” Soundwave said, and traced the outline of Sideswipe in the air to demonstrate. “Movement. Shifts of light and blurs of color.” He paused while he considered trying to describe his ability to an individual who didn’t fully understand harpyspeak or the human tongue.

“How did it happen?” Sideswipe asked.

“I was born this way.”

“Wow. So you’re used to it.” Sideswipe inched a little closer, his curiosity hovering around him, so intent it was almost ticklish. “Could I see them?”

Soundwave hesitated.

He wasn’t ashamed of his looks, but he had gotten used to hiding them. He was told his unfocused stare unnerved others, and people tended to stare at the scars around his mouth and neck. Soundwave didn’t like undue attention.

But he wasn’t ashamed, and he wasn’t hiding them on purpose. Perhaps it would comfort Sideswipe to know he wasn’t the only one who had suffered.

He removed the mask first as it was easier. He had to eat, after all, which required access to his mask. He set it aside before removing the visor, the cool air brushing over his bare face. He closed his eyes for a moment, resting the visor in his lap, before he opened them again.

Sideswipe’s curiosity lingered. It wasn’t replaced with disgust, which sent a wave of relief through Soundwave. He hadn’t realized how much that worried him.

“Your eyes are pretty,” Sideswipe said after a moment. He lifted his hand, only to pause and take it back.

“I wouldn’t know,” Soundwave admitted. He didn’t know what beauty was. To him, Sideswipe was a shifting mass of bright red, and he knew Sideswipe’s eyes were blue, like Sunstreaker’s. But he could distinguish nothing further.

He knew his own eyes were very pale. He knew his feathers were dark blue, and he’d been told there were iridescent highlights on the undersides. Iridescent meaning they glittered green and purple and blue depending on the light.

Sideswipe chuckled. “Well, I’m saying it.”

“I appreciate it,” Soundwave said. He didn’t often receive compliments, and Sideswipe’s frank one had been unexpected.

“You’ve got a lot of scars, too,” Sideswipe observed, still with that curiosity brimming around him.

“Yes.”

“From the humans?” Sideswipe’s tone was careful, tight.

Soundwave nodded.

“Thought so.” Sideswipe exhaled noisily and shifted, perhaps to ease the pressure on his leg. “Sunny and me, we got scars, too. Lots of ours are on the inside though.”

Soundwave put the visor back on, though he left the mask off. “Painful still.”

“Yeah.” Sideswipe scratched the back of his head, and apology rose around him in waves. “Sorry we, uh, you know.” He ducked his head, and it occurred to Soundwave he’d probably never apologized to someone before. Why would he?

A smile curved on Soundwave’s lips before he could pull it back. “All is forgiven,” he said and gestured to the tangled pile of pillows and blankets, courtesy of Laserbeak. “Rest now. Heal faster.”

“Sound like Sunny,” Sideswipe grumbled, but he wriggled down into the blankets, pulling one up over his head. “Fine.”

Soundwave breathed a laugh. He patted the lump of blanket he thought might be Sideswipe’s foot -- a safe place to pat, he reasoned -- and flicked on the small string of holiday lights. They wouldn’t last long, but he figured they’d be a comfort rather than complete darkness.

He left, the curtain swishing shut behind him. Frenzy and Rumble were curled in their nook, Rumble flipping through one of the human’s books while Frenzy sprawled on top of him, snoring softly. Ravage wasn’t present, but he was probably at the clinic or near Vortex.

Soundwave grabbed an orange from the fruit basket and moved onto the balcony, setting his mask aside to feel the wind against his face. The sun had long since set, turning the landscape into a sea of darkness, the moon too high to be anything more than a pinprick of brightness above him.

He peeled the orange, dropping pieces to the ground below. It was a peaceful night. Quiet. A relief from the chaos which had come after them from the moment they discovered Rodimus and Frenzy missing.

Behind him, he heard Sunstreaker return with Buzzsaw and Laserbeak, the latter deciding, “I’m going to sleep with you and Sideswipe tonight.”

“Sideswipe snores.”

Laserbeak giggled. “So does Buzzsaw.”

“Do not!” Buzzsaw squawked.

“It’s fine with me,” Sunstreaker said. “Sleep now.”

“Buzzsaw, you coming?”

“No.” Buzzsaw huffed, and Soundwave’s lips curved with amusement. “I don’t want to.”

“Fine,” Laserbeak sniffed.

Soundwave waited as curtains swished and the quiet patter of footsteps crackled over the woven floor. A small bundle of agitation and disappointment appeared at Soundwave’s left elbow, so he lifted a hand and allowed Buzzsaw to climb into his lap, flopping across his curled legs in a huff.

“She’s replacing me,” he muttered.

“She is not,” Soundwave rested a hand on Buzzsaw’s back, the reach of his feathers like a warm blanket. He’d often soothed the youngest twins like this, after he’d first rescued them, and they’d sought comfort in his arms. “Laserbeak has a big heart. She’s trying to welcome them.”

Buzzsaw huffed. “It’s not fair.”

“She’s still your sister.”

“Of course she is!” Buzzsaw squawked and flopped over Soundwave’s lap again like a wan blanket of dismay.

Soundwave hid the smile so Buzzsaw could not see it.

“I’m going to sleep with you tonight,” Buzzsaw declared after a moment, his voice rising muffled from the blanket of Soundwave’s feathers. “She’s gonna be jealous.”

Soundwave chuckled. “You are welcome, if that is what you wish.”

“That’ll show her,” Buzzsaw muttered.

Soundwave smiled despite himself and stared into the shadows of the horizon, the light of the sun vanishing, leaving a world draped in dark.

****