[TF] Scars of Yesterday - 20

[dracoqueen22]

Scars of Yesterday
Chapter Twenty

Patience had never been one of Sunstreaker’s strong suits. Waiting for Soundwave was a special kind of agony.

Sunstreaker knew better than to push, however. That would only make things harder. So he followed Sideswipe’s lead, pretending he wasn’t on pins and needles while waiting for Soundwave to get his thoughts in order.

They kept at it.

Truth was, if Soundwave decided romance wasn’t for him, Sunstreaker thought he would be okay with that. He could love Soundwave without it being returned. He still had Sideswipe. It didn’t mean he was going to stop taking care of Soundwave either.

If there was one thing this whole courtship business had shown him, it was that no one cared for Soundwave the way he cared for everyone else. They probably tried, but Soundwave rebuffed them, and only grudgingly allowed his siblings to fuss over him.

He let Sunstreaker and Sideswipe do it though. Sunstreaker wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know what went on in Soundwave’s head because Soundwave would talk about everything but his feelings. Which, Sunstreaker didn’t like talking about feelings either, but it still left everything up in the air.

“Be patient,” Sideswipe kept telling him, and Sunstreaker swallowed his desire to shake some answers out of Soundwave.

Instead, he sat with Soundwave at meals, and joined him in the office for their usual chats, and dragged Soundwave into the springs for a decent scrub every day. He slept next to Soundwave at night, the larger harpy pressed between himself and Sideswipe. He would curl against Soundwave's back, nose against Soundwave's nape, and sometimes, he'd just breathe in Soundwave's scent.

When it got to be too much, he'd drag Sideswipe into their private nest, and they worked out their frustrations on each other. Sunstreaker's insides ached in a way he didn't thought they could. Sideswipe had always been enough, but he must have felt that sense of something missing, too. Their coupling was almost frantic.

"What if he says no?" Sunstreaker asked in the aftermath of one such desperate rut, the air thick with the scent of their activities. "Will we look for someone else?"

"I don't want someone else," Sideswipe said, and shoved his face into Sunstreaker's throat, licking over the impression of his teeth.

"Me neither," Sunstreaker said and wrapped his arms tighter around his brother, as if he could meld them back into one body. "It's the waiting that's hard."

Sideswipe hummed agreement, fingers pressing against Sunstreaker's back, talons prick-pricking in a way that hurt but also felt good. It gave Sunstreaker something to focus on other than the anxiety of wondering.

"No is an answer," Sideswipe exhaled against his throat. "I can accept 'no'. I just need to know."

"Yeah," Sunstreaker said.

He dragged Sideswipe back up for a kiss that was more teeth than anything else, and Sideswipe rocked against him. Sunstreaker rocked back down, that ache of yearning making him raw. He spread his thighs, and took Sideswipe into him again, and it felt good, but it didn't touch the core of it.

He loved his brother with all his heart, but the waiting was the worst. He could get over wanting something he couldn't have, but he couldn't start until he knew he couldn't have it. Right now, that sliver of possibility was a hope dangling just out of reach.

It had only been a few days.

"We'll go out tomorrow," Sunstreaker said around a gasp as Sideswipe moved in him, perfectly angled to hit the best spots. "Get some strawberries. Should be plenty."

"Make him a pie," Sideswipe agreed as he mouthed at Sunstreaker's throat, licking over and over the tender bites.

Sunstreaker hummed his approval. It was all part of courting, right? Showing all the different ways they cared.

So after they finished and cleaned up, they headed out to join the Gatherers. It was one of Sunstreaker’s least favorite duties because it meant hours wandering around outside, but for Soundwave, he’d do it.

They were almost immediately waylaid by Ratchet, who planted his hands on his hips, looked them up and down and said, “Didn’t you two get enough during mating season?”

“Never,” Sideswipe proudly declared. He leaned over and planted a sloppy kiss on Sunstreaker’s cheek.

Sunstreaker’s face went hot. Sideswipe had so little shame sometimes.

Ratchet sighed. “Right. And how’s Soundwave?”

“Fine,” Sunstreaker said, suspicious. “Why?”

“Because he ‘took a tumble’ and dislocated his shoulder two weeks ago,” Ratchet said, putting air-quotes around ‘took a tumble’ as if to emphasize how much he didn’t believe them. “Make sure to bring him by so I can take a look at him. Otherwise, I’ll never know if he’s healing correctly.”

Sunstreaker glanced at Sideswipe. “He said he’s healing.”

“Of course he did.” Ratchet sighed again, the sigh of someone who sighed a lot and it was a practiced habit by now. “Terrible at looking after himself, just like everyone with any modicum of authority around here. Bring him by anyway.”

“Will do!” Sideswipe sketched a parody of a salute at Ratchet, something they’d picked up from the humans, and they were treated to Ratchet rolling his eyes at them.

He left them in peace, however, and they were free to join the Gatherers before everyone took off for the day, baskets in hand.

“Methinks Ratchet needs a mate,” Sideswipe said once they were outside, dutifully plucking strawberries and filling up their baskets. “He’s way too tense for someone who just finished mating season.”

“Pretty sure he finished it alone,” Sunstreaker said as he squinted up at the sky. It was a beautiful day, the sky big and blue, the sun bright. Everything was damp from last night’s rain, and the ground squished under his talons.

Some days, he just marveled at the fact they could do this – enjoy fresh air, stand in the sun, walk out of a room because they wanted to, sleep in early, embrace each other without a worry. Some days, he worried he was going to wake up and find this was all one fever dream.

“Yeah,” Sideswipe said and twisted the stem from a berry, holding it up to Sunstreaker’s mouth. “Gotta make sure they’re good and ripe, right?”

Sunstreaker rolled his eyes, but accepted the berry. It burst sweet and perfect over his tongue. They were going to make the best pie.

At least, that was the plan, but when Sideswipe and Sunstreaker returned to the aerie with the rest of the Gatherers, the whole place seemed to be in something of an uproar. Harpies gathered in little clusters, whispering to each other, and there was a whole clutch of folks gathered in the atrium. The air smelled of excitement and confusion, but no fear.

“What the hell happened?” Sideswipe asked, clutching his basket close to his chest. Sunstreaker had passed his off to the day’s pantry staff.

Sunstreaker looked around for someone to ask and finally spied Frenzy and Rumble, heads bent together as if sharing a secret. He grabbed Sideswipe’s hand and dragged him over to the younger twins.

“What’s going on?” Sunstreaker asked.

“It’s the craziest thing,” Frenzy said.

“So Starscream showed up with his boyfriend and two humans, except his boyfriend wasn’t human anymore,” Rumble said.

“His human turned into a harpy!” Frenzy cut in with excitement bright in his eyes. “He was all blue and everything, and the humans stank of fear and so did Starscream.”

“They’re up there with Ratchet and Megatron and Soundwave now,” Rumble continued in all a rush. “No one’s got any clue what happened.”

Sunstreaker stared.

“Wait a minute,” Sideswipe said, rattling the basket around. “Is that a normal thing around here? How the hell does a human turn into a harpy?”

Frenzy snorted. “No way. It’s never happened before. If I hadn’t seen it for myself, I wouldn’t believe it. Still don’t, actually.”

“Only ones who actually saw him change are the two humans and Starscream. Could be they’re lying, and they found some harpy in the forest or something,” Rumble said.

“But I don’t know, I don’t think Starscream would lie about something like that,” Frenzy said, rubbing his jaw. “We tried to find out more, but they booted us out, and now Ratchet won’t let anyone in. Laserbeak gets all the fun.”

Sideswipe laughed. “Let me guess, she’s on Soundwave’s shoulder.”

“Yeah, he was already in there, getting checked out by Ratchet,” Rumble said.

Well, that was one problem solved. At least they wouldn’t have to worry about bullying Soundwave into the healer’s domain. He’d apparently gone on his own.

“What are they going to do?” Sunstreaker asked. His mind whirled with surprise. This was the last thing he would have expected.

Rumble and Frenzy shrugged in tandem. “Dunno. Guess that’s what everyone is up there trying to figure out.”

Everyone including Soundwave.

Damn it.

Sunstreaker growled, wishing he could bang his head on a wall. Starscream’s problem was going to occupy everyone’s mind for a while, especially Soundwave’s since he had to be there to help solve it. No way was he going to be thinking about the question Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had asked.

Double damn.

“Never a dull moment around here, I swear,” Sideswipe said with a little laugh. “Come on, Sunny. Let’s get these berries to the kitchen and see who we can bribe to make them taste good.”

Sunstreaker shook his head. “You do it. I’ll catch up later.” He backed away, frustration eating at him, and he didn’t want to take it out on his brother.

He needed his paints, his charcoal, his sketchbook. He needed to scrape lines into the paper until all of the emotions bled out of him, and he could breathe again.

He didn’t give Sideswipe a chance to argue otherwise. He pushed through the crowds, and took off for their nest, desperate for the space. Waiting was the hardest part, and it was only going to get worse.

Damn it all.

~

“He okay?” Frenzy asked.

Sideswipe sighed. “Yeah. It’s just been a long few days.” He shifted his attention back to the smaller twins who stared up at him in identical curiosity. “Now it looks like Soundwave’s going to be too busy to do much thinking.”

“Nah, he’ll still be thinking. He’ll just add more to the list,” Rumble said.

Sideswipe raised both feathery brows. “That’s not as comforting as you might think it is.”

“Wasn’t meant to be,” Frenzy said. He nudged Rumble with his shoulder. “Come on, bro. Let’s see if we can find Ravage. I’ll bet he knows what’s going on.”

“He can sneak in anywhere,” Rumble agreed.

The two scampered off, and Sideswipe clutched his basket of strawberries. He pushed through the crowd of chattering harpies and headed upstairs to the kitchens. He hoped Whirl would be up here. He made the best pies.

The dining hall was devoid of the usual lingerers, probably because most everyone was downstairs gossiping. The clatter of today’s cooks getting ready to start on lunch prep floated out from the heavy curtain draped across the back. Sideswipe ducked inside and nearly ran headfirst into Rodimus, who was on his way out.

“Whoa!”

“Be careful!”

Sideswipe twisted his body to avoid the collision, clutching his basket of berries close to his chest. Rodimus laughed and swung around him, holding him steady.

“Sorry,” he said, his eyes bright as he peered into Sideswipe’s basket. “Oooo. Strawberries. Are you planning on sharing those or…?”

“We collected a lot for the pantry. These are for something else,” Sideswipe said, turning to keep the basket out of reach.

He wasn’t quite fast enough because Rodimus snatched up one of the strawberries, twisting off the stem and popping it into his mouth before the words got out of Sideswipe’s mouth.

“For Soundwave?” he asked around the mouthful.

Sideswipe sighed. “Yeah, for Soundwave. If I can convince someone to make something with them.”

Rodimus licked his lips, swiping juice from the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “Whirl’s here. You could ask him.” He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially. “He’s secretly a romantic, but don’t let him know you know that.” He winked.

“I’ll do that.” Sideswipe glanced past Rodimus, searching the faces of the harpies present, all of whom were moving around busily.

"So, how have you been?"

Sideswipe blinked and shifted his attention back to Rodimus. "What?"

Rodimus' face pinked, but he drew himself up straight and for a minute, he actually looked like he was trying for an air of authority. "I just wanted to see how you and your brother are settling in. I know I've been... unavailable pretty much since you two got here, but..." He trailed off, gnawing on his bottom lip.

"How are you?" Sideswipe asked, squinting back at the other harpy. They were of a height, but something in the conversation felt like Sideswipe was too large for it.

"Oh, I'm fine." Rodimus waved a hand airily. "This is my home. I'm back where I belong. I'm safe." He stressed the last as if he were trying to convince himself more than Sideswipe. "But I know it's very different for you and Sunstreaker."

"Ah." Sideswipe flexed his fingers around the basket. "We're fine. Settling in, I guess. It's much better than where we were anyway." He paused, chewed on the inside of his cheek. "It's safe here."

Rodimus' lips pulled into a small smile. "Yeah, it is." He fidgeted before he straightened his shoulders. "But if you ever feel like you're not-safe or whatever, you can come to me, okay? I know Megatron isn't really, eh, approachable sometimes."

Oh, god.

This was unbearably sweet, and Sideswipe didn't know if he could handle much more of it. Rodimus was worried about them, probably because he'd gotten half a glimpse of what life had been like for them.

"We'll keep that in mind," Sideswipe said. "Thanks, Rodimus."

"You're welcome!" Rodimus beamed at him as if Sideswipe had given him a gift before his look turned conspiratorial again. "And good luck with Soundwave. If he's even half as stubborn as Megatron, you've got your work cut out for you."

Sideswipe snorted. "Yeah, tell me about it."

Rodimus winked, patted him on the shoulder, and then he was gone, decidedly more pep in his step than the first time they'd met. Though met was a strong term. Sideswipe had only seen Rodimus from a distance, trussed up in chains, bleeding, and semi-conscious. He'd been anxious and skittery after they were rescued -- understandably so -- and always within arm's reach of Megatron in the weeks following.

This was honestly the first genuine conversation they'd had.

Huh.

Sideswipe shook his head, adjusted his grip on the basket, and went off in search of Whirl.

~


Between Rodimus and Starscream, Soundwave wasn't sure who was capable of causing the biggest panic in the Aerie. Certainly, Starscream was guilty more frequently, but Rodimus had put Megatron out of sorts for weeks, and that was a feat in of itself.

He sighed and scrubbed at his forehead.

At present, Blurr rested peacefully in one of the private rooms, Starscream at his side, sitting vigil until exhaustion claimed him. The two humans were housed in a nearby room with Roadbuster outside their curtain to ensure they didn't follow through on any curiosities or urges to roam.

There was little more anyone could do at this point. They'd already faced the facts -- Starscream's human friend had somehow turned into a harpy. What it meant, how they would resolve it, the complications which would now ensue... it was troublesome, but nothing that couldn’t be surmounted.

And nothing that could be solved in the immediate moment.

"There is never peace around here. It is never dull," Megatron said as they stood at the end of the hall, conversing before parting ways. "I don't know how to begin processing this."

"Step by step," Soundwave advised. "Our choice limited. We offer shelter, but the rest is up to Blurr."

Megatron sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "We will have to contact the proper authorities." He dropped his hand, exhaustion ringing his eyes. "Fortunately, we have been needing to speak with Mikaela so this can tie into that situation quite nicely."

Soundwave nodded. He made a mental note to keep Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both away from the medical ward. They were still not fond of humans.

"But yes, you're right. There is nothing more to be done now than wait for Blurr to waken so we can get some answers."

Soundwave nodded once more.

"And you'd like to get back to your nest so you can snuggle your twins. I don't want to keep you any longer."

Soundwave lifted his chin and froze, cocking his head. "Beg pardon?"

"Am I mistaken?" Megatron asked, raising one brow. "Rodimus indicated that they were courting you."

Heat teased at Soundwave's cheeks, though he was far too old to blush. Courting? What gave Rodimus that impression? Yes, the twins had expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with him, but courting?

"Interest indicated," Soundwave answered, but it was with a frown, hidden behind his mask.

Their recent behavior came into sharp clarity. He'd thought it guilt alone, but taken out of that context, yes, it could be seen as courtship. They'd brought him meals, spent time with him, cared for him, and tended to his feathers in the baths. They'd made efforts to understand his duties, his interests, and they'd spent more time in his nest than their own as of late.

Oh.

He could not believe he'd been so ignorant of their intentions. How had they even known of proper courting etiquette? Someone must have taught them.

"And?" Megatron prompted.

Soundwave hesitated, head bowed in thought. "Interest reciprocated," he admitted. "Acceptance unsure."

Megatron hummed knowingly. "They are adults who are free to choose for themselves," he said as he crossed his arms, something pointed in his tone. "You are also no longer their guardian. It must not be propriety staying your hand."

Soundwave sighed.

"My friend, were you not the one who suggested I take the risk with my heart when it came to Rodimus?" Megatron asked, his voice gentle for all that it was pointed. “It is quite clear to me that they care for you, and that they chose you. I think that’s proof enough they are worth the risk.”

Soundwave ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth, the tip finding the ridge of an old scar. “Choice made now, but future uncertain,” he said.

Megatron exhaled, his gaze softening with clarity. “It’s uncertain for everyone. We didn’t know what we’d find here in Kaon, yet we took the risk and left anyway. I wake every morning wondering if Rodimus might yet realize he made the wrong choice.” He paused, throat bobbing as he visibly swallowed. “And every morning, I remind myself that he trusted me with his heart, and I did the same, and it’s where I must put my faith.”

Soundwave stared at the floor.

Faith.

Soundwave held very little of that. He trusted Megatron, had faith in him, like he did no other. He held the same for his siblings, knowing each one of them would never leave him behind, no matter the circumstances. But this trust, this faith was of a different caliber.

A hand rested on his shoulder, warm and heavy. Megatron radiated comfort and encouragement, the familiarity of his emotions like a blanket curled over Soundwave’s shoulders.

“You deserve affection, my friend. You deserve their love. You deserve the opportunity to tell them you return their feelings. And you are the bravest harpy I know. You can do this.”

Soundwave drew in a slow, shuddering breath. He lifted his head. “Advice appreciated,” he said, resting his hand briefly over Megatron’s.

“I hope it’s heeded as well,” Megatron said, but there was humor and affection both in his voice. “For now, I think we both should head home before our respective families come fetch us.”

Soundwave was more than aware that Rodimus had no qualms about retrieving Megatron when he felt Megatron had worked too long for no reason. He suspected Sideswipe and Sunstreaker might react in similar ways.

The thought made warmth bloom in his belly.

Soundwave nodded. “Sleep well.”

“And you.” Megatron squeezed his shoulder before dropping his hand. “Think about what I said, Soundwave.”

“Of course.”

They parted ways, Megatron returning to his mate and Soundwave carefully picking his way back to his own nest. He’d sent Laserbeak on ahead of him some time back, after reassuring her he was more than capable of finding his way home, and barring that, Megatron would walk him if there was a need.

The quiet of the Aerie offered him too much time to think. He passed occupied nests, families sleeping warm and content within. The walls of the Aerie itself was soaked with feelings of satisfaction, safety, warmth. It was the only place Soundwave ever felt he could call home.

Exhaustion wrapped around him. It had been a long, stressful day, and his arm ached where Ratchet had poked and prodded at him. He was healing nicely, the healer claimed, though Ratchet recommended Soundwave refrain from flying for several more weeks.

Luckily, he was not a harpy with an intense love for the sky like his kin tended to be. Flying was enjoyable in certain circumstances, but he didn’t yearn to do so. The worst part of the restrictions was that it meant his siblings – and Sideswipe and Sunstreaker by proxy – would continue to nanny him.

Soundwave gently eased the curtain back from his nest and slipped inside, half-expecting to be immediately bombarded by a well-meaning but irritating round of questions. Instead, it was quiet, and a quick scan found that all of his siblings had chosen to sleep in a large pile in the main nest.

A pile far too large to consist of his siblings alone.

Soundwave removed his mask and visor, setting both aside, though within reach and crouched at the edge of the nest. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were here as well, their emotions tangled with his siblings, their bodies at relaxed rest. There was space in the middle of the pile for Soundwave to join his family. To join all of them.

His core throbbed hard with yearning. It was a pull he couldn’t ignore, to slide into the warmth offered, the space with Sunstreaker curled at his back and Sideswipe curled at his front. Sideswipe murmured and turned further into him, throwing a leg over his. Sunstreaker muttered and blanketed them both with his arm, jostling Buzzsaw who complained but only shifted until he was comfortable.

Soundwave closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of family, of home. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker fit into it like no one else, not even Megatron. They were pieces Soundwave never knew was missing, until they were here, slotting so perfectly into empty spaces.

He wanted them.

He wanted to love them and protect them, to grow old with them, to hold them. He wanted to wrap them in his arms and call them family, call them home.

For now, it seemed to be what they wanted as well.

Soundwave knew he should be brave enough to try. They, for all the world had been cruel to them, had been the first to reach out, courageous enough to try their hands at faith.

It was about time he gave them an answer.

It was time for Soundwave to try.

***