dracoqueen22 | Apr. 1st, 2017

Springing into Spring and April is what should be happening. Instead I'm slogging my tired ass into the new month, wondering where the heck March went because I sure don't remember it.

Not seeing much different in April than in the month's preceding. Getting used to working full-time is taking a lot longer than I anticipated. After working almost nine hours and then an hour commute each way, by the time I get home, I'm an exhausted lump that has no words in me. Not that I was really bursting with them before.

Writing time was going to be the weekends, but now I have to cram so many other things into the weekends -- shopping, cleaning, family obligations -- that I don't really have that either. So the projects I am working on are going to take even longer than I anticipated.

Still working on getting the commissions I owe. I finished the RodiDriftRatch one and I'm reviewing Reign and Salvage so I can get started on the Post-Script, which I suspect will be at least two chapters. I'm also working on a Barbarian AU fic that grew legs, but it's half done so far, and I'll keep poking at that. I have a few self-indulgent new things that I write when the ideas hit me -- Behind the Scenes, One Wish extras, BlueJazz bits, etc.

I also have plans for other series like a sequel to Truth in Advertising -- Raise the Bar, and I still want to write the Harpyformers series. I have something like 80K in mismatched scenes. I need to connect all the dots and make it post-able. I'll probably never finish this stuff in a timely fashion, but that's okay. I don't even have to post it if I don't want to. That's the beauty of it.

I figure I'll tackle those lingering WIPs one by one after I finish commissions. Things like Zero Sum, Apple a Day, the third part of Mastermind, Despicable Me, The Art of Self-Destruction, et cetera. I'm going to do my best to finish them, or at least provide some kind of ending, even if it's a subpar one.

I am officially on hiatus from Tumblr. I've been struggling to keep myself together enough as it is, and venturing onto Tumblr always feels like I'm tiptoeing through a minefield and while I originally joined the site to interact, I'm too anxious to do so now. Feels like people are waiting in the wings, ready to pounce on the most miniscule thing. Fandom is no longer fun. Participating in fandom is no longer fun, and if things persist the way they are, I won't even enjoy the source material anymore and that's not something I want to leave.

It's also disheartening that I try to open myself for interaction, but all I get are more demands for why I don't like a pairing, or won't write a pairing, or why I waste my time NOT writing said pairing and waste it further by writing a rarepair no one likes. And it's frustrating and I just don't have the mental fortitude right now to deal with that. Why are the assholes and the bullies so much more willing to be vocal? Ugh.

So for now, I'm no hiatus from Tumblr. I don't know if I'll go back to it. I don't know if I'll want to. I'm keeping it active for now because I have some fics I need to pull off there, and a few people I still keep in contact with through messenger, but otherwise, I'm off my dashboard.

Remember when we used to enjoy fandom just for being fandom? Yeah. I feel like an old person now. "Back in my day, we actually enjoyed fandom without having to defend ourselves for something as innocent as liking a rarepair. Wow, how times have changed."

So that's April. Full of thunderclouds and showers. Hopefully May will bring home the flowers, yeah? :)