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dracoqueen22a/n: This is another in the Event Horizon universe, an Origins fic, this time focusing on Sunstreaker. There's an additional warning here for the character death of an OC. Please enjoy.
Title: Holding On To Heaven
Universe: TF Prime
Series: Event Horizon, Origins
Characters: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, OC
Description: There’s something broken inside of him, but as long as he has his brother, he doesn’t care.
Inspired by Caleb Kane's “Once", cut text borrowed from lyrics
There's something broken inside of him. A glitch, perhaps, from the moment their sparks split.
Maybe the rumors are true. That Sideswipe got all the charm and sanity and kindness, and he'd been left with the dregs. That when their spark split, he only got to keep a sliver of it.
Sideswipe, at least, can function in society. He makes friends easily, always has. He can charm with the best of them, could charm the very bolts off a bolt-maker. He can see through a bot's very spark. It's what makes him so good at what he does.
Sunstreaker can't. He doesn't understand all those subtle nuances. There's something broken inside of him, something no medic can fix.
He gets his twin. It's hard not to when they can talk to each other on a spark level. When he can feel what Sideswipe feels.
Other bots are a mystery. Sunstreaker doesn't understand them. Not their words or body language. Not their energy fields or binary language.
There's something broken inside of him. He'll never be normal or whatever approximates as that these days. The Autobot army is full of abnormal mechs nowadays.
Sunstreaker knows that Sideswipe would be a lot happier without him. Life would've been a lot easier. He knows that if their spark had not split, Sunstreaker would’ve never existed.
Sideswipe is the one meant to exist. Not the defect. Not the broken one.
Their caretakers tried. They honestly did. Both Tailwind and Longevity had only planned for one sparkling. One was all they could afford on their meager salaries as a shop clerk and a machinist.
Tailwind and Longevity hadn’t anticipated twins. No one had, so rare even then spark-split twins were. There'd been a scramble to put Sunstreaker's half of the spark into a protoform, and even then, it had been standard issue with no frills or distinguishing marks. No personality. The sort of protoform handed out by some Towers-funded charity for the pathetic lowest class.
A loaner, so to speak, until Tailwind and Longevity could afford to commission another. Such a thing wasn't in the stars, however. They'd only planned for one. So Sideswipe's body had all the inherited bits, everything that their caretakers had skimped and planned and gleefully designed for their sparkling.
Sunstreaker was drab and boring and common. He hated it, loathed being in that thing for every cycle he spent in it. But the one time he'd complained, and his caretakers had given him a look, it had only taken Sideswipe pulling him aside later to explain why he should never say such things. After that, Sunstreaker attempted to rebuild his bridges, and he never spoke ill of his protoform again. But he still hated it.
Sunstreaker remembers being loved and cared for. He and Sides had never wanted for anything. They had enough energon to eat, a berth to share, an education. Tailwind and Longevity were the near-perfect guardians. Sunstreaker had never felt unloved or despised for his unexpected existence.
They were also barely above zeta class, and two sparklings were far more of a drain on resources than one.
It had taken everything they had to get Sunstreaker a protoform of his own, one he could design and paint and specialize to his liking. But that meant upgrading. It was a waste of resources to give him a sparkling body when he was so close to needing his youngling frame anyway.
For as much as Sunstreaker enjoyed carrying around a sulking Sideswipe with his larger frame, he never did shake the ill-fit feeling that he bore for several vorns. He suspected he wouldn't be comfortable until Sideswipe upgraded, too. Or maybe he was that anxious for his adult frame. He didn't know.
And then the unthinkable happened. Or perhaps they should have seen it coming. But Sunstreaker was a sparkling in a youngling frame, and Sideswipe was even less mature.
Longevity collapsed, over-worked and energon-starved.
Their caretakers had been rationing energon carefully, often times taking it from themselves to give to their younglings. Sunstreaker had never known, never even suspected. Probably would have never known if Longevity hadn't collapsed, if his systems hadn't failed on him.
And Tailwind, like all mechs who are part of a true-strength bond, soon followed his bonded. He tried; he really did. For nearly half a vorn afterward, Tailwind pushed past the pain in his spark to stay with his sparklings.
They would come home after being sent out to play and find Tailwind sitting and staring at a wall, optics spiraling in and out like he was stuck in a memory loop. He'd startle at their appearance, plant an easy smile on his face, but it always felt like he was never fully with them. Like his spark yearned to be somewhere else with someone else, and no matter how much he loved his younglings, they were not Longevity.
His caretakers had the sort of romance that mechs and femmes could only dream about. The love at first sight, first interface, never want anyone else.
So when Sunstreaker and Sideswipe onlined one day and found Tailwind's frame cold and grey with not so much a spark flutter, they couldn't be surprised. Sunstreaker had been numb, sitting there and staring at their caretaker's unpolished and now grey frame. Sideswipe had keened like all sparklings are wont to do.
Sunstreaker couldn't even comfort his own twin. He didn't know how. He understood Sideswipe's grief, could feel the loss of their caretakers, the way it left even him feeling cold. But he didn't know how to respond to it.
How broken is that? So damaged he couldn't even properly mourn.
Maybe it's because he didn't have time to properly process it. Sunstreaker knew the comm frequencies of a few of their caretakers' acquaintances. Afterward, it was a whirl of Things Happening. Things Happening that younglings and sparklings only saw occurring over their helms.
In the end, it boiled down to one simple truth. No one wanted them. Not the femme who Tailwind and Longevity had designated as their first choice of stand-in caretaker. Not the distant relation of Tailwind's own caretaker. Not a single one of the close friends of their family group wanted to take in a pair of mismatched spark twins.
Cursed, they were. Everyone said it.
“Maybe if there was only one,” Cyclis had said, but the look in her optics spoke of denial no matter the hesitation in her words. “I really can't afford two.”
The institution wanted to split them up. There should’ve been Cybertronians lining up to adopt them, as it was easier to adopt an orphaned mechling than it was to apply to the High Council and the All Spark.
“It's fer th' best,” the mech in charge had commented, trying to be soothing but failing with every nuanced glyph of despair and aggravation. “It's hard fer anyone ta take in two at once. But if there were only one of ya...”
Sunstreaker knew he should’ve agreed. Sideswipe had a better chance of being adopted. He was still in his sparkling frame. He was the normal one.
For the sake of his brother, Sunstreaker should’ve let go. But he couldn't.
He had refused to allow the mechs to separate them. Sunstreaker couldn't do this alone. And in the end, no one adopted them. Rather than having the institution press the issue, perhaps separating them by force, Sunstreaker left with a trunk full of their belongings and his twin at his heels.
If he hadn't been so selfish, if he'd been able to let go, then maybe Sideswipe would have had a chance. It would’ve hurt; there's no doubt. But he could have been satisfied, maybe, knowing that his brother was being cared for like he deserved.
But there's something broken in him. Something selfish and damaged and Sunstreaker couldn't do it.
He needed Sideswipe.
Still does, as a matter of fact. That will never change. Come war and Ratchet and younglings and Autobots, Sunstreaker will always need his brother.
There's something broken inside of him. Something unfixable. Sunstreaker's learned to live with that fact. His existence has given him little choice in the matter. He figures as long as he has Sideswipe, he'll be able to function.
And for now, that's good enough.
* * *
a/n: I'm almost done with Jazz's fic and next on the menu, I've got Mirage and Perceptor. And as soon as I get an idea of where I want them to go, I also have Sideswipe, First Aid, Starscream, and Prowl.
Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
Title: Holding On To Heaven
Universe: TF Prime
Series: Event Horizon, Origins
Characters: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, OC
Description: There’s something broken inside of him, but as long as he has his brother, he doesn’t care.
Inspired by Caleb Kane's “Once", cut text borrowed from lyrics
There's something broken inside of him. A glitch, perhaps, from the moment their sparks split.
Maybe the rumors are true. That Sideswipe got all the charm and sanity and kindness, and he'd been left with the dregs. That when their spark split, he only got to keep a sliver of it.
Sideswipe, at least, can function in society. He makes friends easily, always has. He can charm with the best of them, could charm the very bolts off a bolt-maker. He can see through a bot's very spark. It's what makes him so good at what he does.
Sunstreaker can't. He doesn't understand all those subtle nuances. There's something broken inside of him, something no medic can fix.
He gets his twin. It's hard not to when they can talk to each other on a spark level. When he can feel what Sideswipe feels.
Other bots are a mystery. Sunstreaker doesn't understand them. Not their words or body language. Not their energy fields or binary language.
There's something broken inside of him. He'll never be normal or whatever approximates as that these days. The Autobot army is full of abnormal mechs nowadays.
Sunstreaker knows that Sideswipe would be a lot happier without him. Life would've been a lot easier. He knows that if their spark had not split, Sunstreaker would’ve never existed.
Sideswipe is the one meant to exist. Not the defect. Not the broken one.
Their caretakers tried. They honestly did. Both Tailwind and Longevity had only planned for one sparkling. One was all they could afford on their meager salaries as a shop clerk and a machinist.
Tailwind and Longevity hadn’t anticipated twins. No one had, so rare even then spark-split twins were. There'd been a scramble to put Sunstreaker's half of the spark into a protoform, and even then, it had been standard issue with no frills or distinguishing marks. No personality. The sort of protoform handed out by some Towers-funded charity for the pathetic lowest class.
A loaner, so to speak, until Tailwind and Longevity could afford to commission another. Such a thing wasn't in the stars, however. They'd only planned for one. So Sideswipe's body had all the inherited bits, everything that their caretakers had skimped and planned and gleefully designed for their sparkling.
Sunstreaker was drab and boring and common. He hated it, loathed being in that thing for every cycle he spent in it. But the one time he'd complained, and his caretakers had given him a look, it had only taken Sideswipe pulling him aside later to explain why he should never say such things. After that, Sunstreaker attempted to rebuild his bridges, and he never spoke ill of his protoform again. But he still hated it.
Sunstreaker remembers being loved and cared for. He and Sides had never wanted for anything. They had enough energon to eat, a berth to share, an education. Tailwind and Longevity were the near-perfect guardians. Sunstreaker had never felt unloved or despised for his unexpected existence.
They were also barely above zeta class, and two sparklings were far more of a drain on resources than one.
It had taken everything they had to get Sunstreaker a protoform of his own, one he could design and paint and specialize to his liking. But that meant upgrading. It was a waste of resources to give him a sparkling body when he was so close to needing his youngling frame anyway.
For as much as Sunstreaker enjoyed carrying around a sulking Sideswipe with his larger frame, he never did shake the ill-fit feeling that he bore for several vorns. He suspected he wouldn't be comfortable until Sideswipe upgraded, too. Or maybe he was that anxious for his adult frame. He didn't know.
And then the unthinkable happened. Or perhaps they should have seen it coming. But Sunstreaker was a sparkling in a youngling frame, and Sideswipe was even less mature.
Longevity collapsed, over-worked and energon-starved.
Their caretakers had been rationing energon carefully, often times taking it from themselves to give to their younglings. Sunstreaker had never known, never even suspected. Probably would have never known if Longevity hadn't collapsed, if his systems hadn't failed on him.
And Tailwind, like all mechs who are part of a true-strength bond, soon followed his bonded. He tried; he really did. For nearly half a vorn afterward, Tailwind pushed past the pain in his spark to stay with his sparklings.
They would come home after being sent out to play and find Tailwind sitting and staring at a wall, optics spiraling in and out like he was stuck in a memory loop. He'd startle at their appearance, plant an easy smile on his face, but it always felt like he was never fully with them. Like his spark yearned to be somewhere else with someone else, and no matter how much he loved his younglings, they were not Longevity.
His caretakers had the sort of romance that mechs and femmes could only dream about. The love at first sight, first interface, never want anyone else.
So when Sunstreaker and Sideswipe onlined one day and found Tailwind's frame cold and grey with not so much a spark flutter, they couldn't be surprised. Sunstreaker had been numb, sitting there and staring at their caretaker's unpolished and now grey frame. Sideswipe had keened like all sparklings are wont to do.
Sunstreaker couldn't even comfort his own twin. He didn't know how. He understood Sideswipe's grief, could feel the loss of their caretakers, the way it left even him feeling cold. But he didn't know how to respond to it.
How broken is that? So damaged he couldn't even properly mourn.
Maybe it's because he didn't have time to properly process it. Sunstreaker knew the comm frequencies of a few of their caretakers' acquaintances. Afterward, it was a whirl of Things Happening. Things Happening that younglings and sparklings only saw occurring over their helms.
In the end, it boiled down to one simple truth. No one wanted them. Not the femme who Tailwind and Longevity had designated as their first choice of stand-in caretaker. Not the distant relation of Tailwind's own caretaker. Not a single one of the close friends of their family group wanted to take in a pair of mismatched spark twins.
Cursed, they were. Everyone said it.
“Maybe if there was only one,” Cyclis had said, but the look in her optics spoke of denial no matter the hesitation in her words. “I really can't afford two.”
The institution wanted to split them up. There should’ve been Cybertronians lining up to adopt them, as it was easier to adopt an orphaned mechling than it was to apply to the High Council and the All Spark.
“It's fer th' best,” the mech in charge had commented, trying to be soothing but failing with every nuanced glyph of despair and aggravation. “It's hard fer anyone ta take in two at once. But if there were only one of ya...”
Sunstreaker knew he should’ve agreed. Sideswipe had a better chance of being adopted. He was still in his sparkling frame. He was the normal one.
For the sake of his brother, Sunstreaker should’ve let go. But he couldn't.
He had refused to allow the mechs to separate them. Sunstreaker couldn't do this alone. And in the end, no one adopted them. Rather than having the institution press the issue, perhaps separating them by force, Sunstreaker left with a trunk full of their belongings and his twin at his heels.
If he hadn't been so selfish, if he'd been able to let go, then maybe Sideswipe would have had a chance. It would’ve hurt; there's no doubt. But he could have been satisfied, maybe, knowing that his brother was being cared for like he deserved.
But there's something broken in him. Something selfish and damaged and Sunstreaker couldn't do it.
He needed Sideswipe.
Still does, as a matter of fact. That will never change. Come war and Ratchet and younglings and Autobots, Sunstreaker will always need his brother.
There's something broken inside of him. Something unfixable. Sunstreaker's learned to live with that fact. His existence has given him little choice in the matter. He figures as long as he has Sideswipe, he'll be able to function.
And for now, that's good enough.
a/n: I'm almost done with Jazz's fic and next on the menu, I've got Mirage and Perceptor. And as soon as I get an idea of where I want them to go, I also have Sideswipe, First Aid, Starscream, and Prowl.
Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
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