[TROJ] - Building Bridges
Jun. 6th, 2012 09:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dracoqueen22a/n: Originally posted at the torquere-social, I'm post-dating it here for archiving purposes.
Title: Building Bridges
Continuity: Post-The Requiem of Janus
Rating: T
Description: Alcaeus tries to break the ice; Janus is particularly receptive.
The first week had been the prime definition of awkward.
Alcaeus had come to him; Janus had hungrily accepted the former soldier back into his life. They'd talked briefly, but then, neither had seemed to know where to go from there.
Julia left them to their own devices, choosing to allow the two men to settle their own awkwardness. Janus was glad as he thought she had done enough meddling.
Alcaeus filled the hours with exploring Deham manor and the surrounding grounds, a task that easily passed the time as there were more than two dozen rooms and acres of land. From the gardens to the stables to the farmland.
Janus hid, like the coward he was, spending more and more of his waking hours in the library. He didn't know what to say, didn't have the words. He didn't know where to begin.
They spend the nights in separate rooms. Janus burned to feel Alcaeus touch him again, but he didn't dare make the first move. It would be too awkward. Meals shared were fraught with tension, banal small talk about the weather and whether or not it would be a harsh winter. Janus hadn't worked up the courage to turn the conversation toward anything more worthwhile.
It was all very disheartening. It would appear his cowardice ruled him in all things.
Janus sighed, sinking deeper into the warmed water of his bath, staring blankly at the opposite wall. The bathing room smelled strongly of the expensive salts he'd dumped into the water. Too many really, but he'd been distracted, his thoughts miles and miles away.
Perhaps it would be better if Alcaeus left. It was becoming obvious that this was an exercise in futility. Lust was not enough to serve as a precursor to a genuine relationship, not with so much darkness between them.
He lifted a hand, running it over his face, closing his eyes. This was pointless.
The door to his bathing room opened after a quiet knock.
Janus didn't so much as look up. “No, I don't need anything, Gustaf. I will be out momentarily.”
“I seem to recall you enjoying your baths much more than this.”
Janus' eyes snapped open and he startled, water sloshing out of the tub as he twisted toward the door, finding Alcaeus standing there. The former guard was stripped down to his undergarments, a near necessity in the humid heat of the bathing room. His expression was carefully neutral.
Janus struggled to find words. “Times were different then,” he replied, caution in his tone as his heart stuttered several beats.
“Much was different then,” Alcaeus conceded and crossed the floor in several swift steps, only to kneel beside the standing tub. He was enticingly close, red eyes bright and unreadable. “Your mother is concerned about you.”
“About us,” Janus corrected.
He had shared many pots of tea with his mother. And while she seemed interested in not interfering anymore, she still expressed her concern regarding the lack of forward motion in their relationship.
Alcaeus reached for Janus, and only then did he realize that the former guard was carrying a washing cloth. Janus blinked, not ignorant to all that this particular situation represented. His free hand lifted quickly, grabbing Alcaeus' wrist before the cloth could touch his skin.
“What are you doing?” he asked, inhalations coming quicker, his body torn between anticipation, and confusion.
Alcaeus didn't try to jerk his hand free, but his carefully neutered expression slipped, revealing uncertainty. “Trying to break the ice.”
“Why?”
“One of us needs to.” Alcaeus shifted his weight, his deep voice echoing in the bathing room. “And it's pretty obvious you're not going to do it.”
No. Because Janus was the coward. It had taken almost dying for him to realize that.
He frowned. “I don't understand you, Alcaeus. Any man within his right mind would be repulsed at the thought of touching me again. You should hate me.”
Alcaeus' gaze dropped down, focusing on the single point where Janus' fingers curled around his wrist. “Sometimes, I think I do.”
Janus flinched before he could stop himself, abruptly releasing Alcaeus' hand. Despite the warmth of the water, a cold chill zipped down his spine.
“But I also hate myself,” Alcaeus amended, and to Janus' surprise, dipped the washing cloth into the water, swirling it around.
Janus would have never guessed that they would have this conversation in this particular situation. “The fault was mine,” he admitted, something that had taken him many long, sleepless nights to discover.
Alcaeus shook his head. “The guilt is shared.”
“Nevertheless, I apologize.” Janus paused, reconsidering.
Alcaeus blinked, giving him a long look.
Janus' gaze fell away; he couldn't meet Alcaeus' eyes. “I knew I was going to die so it didn't matter who I hurt. I just wanted everything. I was wrong.”
“I'm not pure either,” Alcaeus said, and his other hand reached into the tub, grabbing Janus' right arm and carefully rubbing the washing cloth over it. “I wanted you. I needed the excuse.”
Silence filled the room, other than the sound of water dripping and splashing. Alcaeus was determined, the washing cloth traveling over Janus' arm and shoulder, then the back of his neck. Slowly. Seductively. Janus felt the beginnings of heat swell within his body.
“You're still not forgiven,” Alcaeus said quietly.
“Yes, I know.”
“Ceres would like to kill you.”
“I've no doubt.” Janus winced again, but his breath was also quickening the more Alcaeus touched him. “But I owe it to her brother not to allow it.”
“Baldir never was the avenging sort.”
The glide of the rough washing cloth was suddenly replaced with the soft caress of a hand. Janus inhaled sharply, turning his head toward Alcaeus.
The former guard stared at him, his scarlet eyes dark with banked heat. His expression was a chaotic mix of emotion, lust and confusion stronger than all the others.
Janus swallowed thickly. “You could join me in the tub.”
“I don't know that I'd fit.” Alcaeus, too, seemed to be breathing heavily.
“It's a large tub,” Janus replied, his insides coiling with need, inwardly begging for Alcaeus to accept.
Alcaeus' hand stroked the back of Janus' neck. “Sex isn't going to solve everything.”
His spine tingled. “It's better than nothing. It's a start.” He leaned closer, lips in proximity to the former soldier's.
Alcaeus closed the distance between them, capturing Janus' mouth in a kiss that managed to be both painful and sweet. Their teeth clacked as Alcaeus' hand slipped to the back of his neck, cupping Janus' nape.
The passion, at least, was one thing that proved reliable. The lust hadn't changed. Janus could only hope that the rest would fall in line. One way or another.
***
a/n: Hope you enjoyed!
Title: Building Bridges
Continuity: Post-The Requiem of Janus
Rating: T
Description: Alcaeus tries to break the ice; Janus is particularly receptive.
The first week had been the prime definition of awkward.
Alcaeus had come to him; Janus had hungrily accepted the former soldier back into his life. They'd talked briefly, but then, neither had seemed to know where to go from there.
Julia left them to their own devices, choosing to allow the two men to settle their own awkwardness. Janus was glad as he thought she had done enough meddling.
Alcaeus filled the hours with exploring Deham manor and the surrounding grounds, a task that easily passed the time as there were more than two dozen rooms and acres of land. From the gardens to the stables to the farmland.
Janus hid, like the coward he was, spending more and more of his waking hours in the library. He didn't know what to say, didn't have the words. He didn't know where to begin.
They spend the nights in separate rooms. Janus burned to feel Alcaeus touch him again, but he didn't dare make the first move. It would be too awkward. Meals shared were fraught with tension, banal small talk about the weather and whether or not it would be a harsh winter. Janus hadn't worked up the courage to turn the conversation toward anything more worthwhile.
It was all very disheartening. It would appear his cowardice ruled him in all things.
Janus sighed, sinking deeper into the warmed water of his bath, staring blankly at the opposite wall. The bathing room smelled strongly of the expensive salts he'd dumped into the water. Too many really, but he'd been distracted, his thoughts miles and miles away.
Perhaps it would be better if Alcaeus left. It was becoming obvious that this was an exercise in futility. Lust was not enough to serve as a precursor to a genuine relationship, not with so much darkness between them.
He lifted a hand, running it over his face, closing his eyes. This was pointless.
The door to his bathing room opened after a quiet knock.
Janus didn't so much as look up. “No, I don't need anything, Gustaf. I will be out momentarily.”
“I seem to recall you enjoying your baths much more than this.”
Janus' eyes snapped open and he startled, water sloshing out of the tub as he twisted toward the door, finding Alcaeus standing there. The former guard was stripped down to his undergarments, a near necessity in the humid heat of the bathing room. His expression was carefully neutral.
Janus struggled to find words. “Times were different then,” he replied, caution in his tone as his heart stuttered several beats.
“Much was different then,” Alcaeus conceded and crossed the floor in several swift steps, only to kneel beside the standing tub. He was enticingly close, red eyes bright and unreadable. “Your mother is concerned about you.”
“About us,” Janus corrected.
He had shared many pots of tea with his mother. And while she seemed interested in not interfering anymore, she still expressed her concern regarding the lack of forward motion in their relationship.
Alcaeus reached for Janus, and only then did he realize that the former guard was carrying a washing cloth. Janus blinked, not ignorant to all that this particular situation represented. His free hand lifted quickly, grabbing Alcaeus' wrist before the cloth could touch his skin.
“What are you doing?” he asked, inhalations coming quicker, his body torn between anticipation, and confusion.
Alcaeus didn't try to jerk his hand free, but his carefully neutered expression slipped, revealing uncertainty. “Trying to break the ice.”
“Why?”
“One of us needs to.” Alcaeus shifted his weight, his deep voice echoing in the bathing room. “And it's pretty obvious you're not going to do it.”
No. Because Janus was the coward. It had taken almost dying for him to realize that.
He frowned. “I don't understand you, Alcaeus. Any man within his right mind would be repulsed at the thought of touching me again. You should hate me.”
Alcaeus' gaze dropped down, focusing on the single point where Janus' fingers curled around his wrist. “Sometimes, I think I do.”
Janus flinched before he could stop himself, abruptly releasing Alcaeus' hand. Despite the warmth of the water, a cold chill zipped down his spine.
“But I also hate myself,” Alcaeus amended, and to Janus' surprise, dipped the washing cloth into the water, swirling it around.
Janus would have never guessed that they would have this conversation in this particular situation. “The fault was mine,” he admitted, something that had taken him many long, sleepless nights to discover.
Alcaeus shook his head. “The guilt is shared.”
“Nevertheless, I apologize.” Janus paused, reconsidering.
Alcaeus blinked, giving him a long look.
Janus' gaze fell away; he couldn't meet Alcaeus' eyes. “I knew I was going to die so it didn't matter who I hurt. I just wanted everything. I was wrong.”
“I'm not pure either,” Alcaeus said, and his other hand reached into the tub, grabbing Janus' right arm and carefully rubbing the washing cloth over it. “I wanted you. I needed the excuse.”
Silence filled the room, other than the sound of water dripping and splashing. Alcaeus was determined, the washing cloth traveling over Janus' arm and shoulder, then the back of his neck. Slowly. Seductively. Janus felt the beginnings of heat swell within his body.
“You're still not forgiven,” Alcaeus said quietly.
“Yes, I know.”
“Ceres would like to kill you.”
“I've no doubt.” Janus winced again, but his breath was also quickening the more Alcaeus touched him. “But I owe it to her brother not to allow it.”
“Baldir never was the avenging sort.”
The glide of the rough washing cloth was suddenly replaced with the soft caress of a hand. Janus inhaled sharply, turning his head toward Alcaeus.
The former guard stared at him, his scarlet eyes dark with banked heat. His expression was a chaotic mix of emotion, lust and confusion stronger than all the others.
Janus swallowed thickly. “You could join me in the tub.”
“I don't know that I'd fit.” Alcaeus, too, seemed to be breathing heavily.
“It's a large tub,” Janus replied, his insides coiling with need, inwardly begging for Alcaeus to accept.
Alcaeus' hand stroked the back of Janus' neck. “Sex isn't going to solve everything.”
His spine tingled. “It's better than nothing. It's a start.” He leaned closer, lips in proximity to the former soldier's.
Alcaeus closed the distance between them, capturing Janus' mouth in a kiss that managed to be both painful and sweet. Their teeth clacked as Alcaeus' hand slipped to the back of his neck, cupping Janus' nape.
The passion, at least, was one thing that proved reliable. The lust hadn't changed. Janus could only hope that the rest would fall in line. One way or another.
a/n: Hope you enjoyed!
