[CR] Sharing Space

[dracoqueen22]

Title: Sharing Space
Universe: Critical Role, Campaign Two, And Other Virtues series
Characters: Caduceus/Fjord, The Mighty Nein
Rated: K+
Description: Of all the weird shit the Mighty Nein has encountered, Caduceus and Fjord accidentally swapping bodies has got to take the cake.

For FjorClay Week, Day Four, Class Swap

"It wasn't my fault this time," Fjord says.

"Are you sure?" Beau asks, squinting up at Caduceus' body, only it has Fjord's familiar vocal patterns and not the steady drawl of Caduceus’.

It's fucking weird, is what it is, Beau thinks. Caduceus has this nice, slow drawl, and to hear Fjord's cultured tones in Caduceus' voice is just weird. Plus, he stands all wrong. A bit hunched, awkward, like the armor doesn't fit right, but of course it does, because it's Caduceus' armor on Caduceus' body. It's the person inside the armor who doesn't fit right.

"It was my fault," Caduceus says, and that's less weird, his vocal pattern coming out of Fjord's mouth, because Fjord changes accents like some people change their underwear, so it's less disconcerting.

He stands weird though. Cranes his neck like he's trying to see over their heads, not that Fjord is short, but well, when you're used to seeing the world from a certain height, Beau supposes that it would be weird to be a foot shorter.

"Wow," Jester says, her hands on her cheeks, her eyes darting between them. "Couples really do start to act alike, don't they? Caduceus, you should know better than to touch weird buttons."

"To be fair, it’s not technically a button," Caduceus says, and he tugs on the bottom of Fjord's chestplate, making a face Beau has never seen Fjord make.

It's fucking weird.

Fjord's staring at his hands, wriggling his fingers, as if fascinated by them. Which he shouldn't be. It's not like he's never seen Caduceus' hands before. They've probably been all over his body and--

Nope.

Beau's just gonna stop that line of thought right there.

"How do we fix it?" Veth asks as she circles Fjord-inside-Caduceus and looks way, way up at him. "This isn't the way to get stronger, Fjord."

"Shut up," Fjord-inside-Caduceus says, and his ears flick up and down in a way that’s a lot more animated than when Caduceus does it.

"What did you touch?" Caleb walks a slow circle around both of them, fingers tracing symbols through the air before pulling out his spell book and flipping through it. "Nevermind. Be quiet and let me have a look."

And by be quiet, he means keep on chattering while Caleb himself focuses and does his wizard thing.

"It's Fjord. The real question is what he didn't touch," says Jester.

"Hey!" Fjord-inside-Caduceus rears back, indignant, and his ears rear with him. "I already said this time I didn't do it, and even Deuces said he did. Stop blaming me."

"It was probably that thing." Caduceus-inside-Fjord points to an object lying on the ground between them.

Beau bends down to look at it, but Jester grabs her shoulder and yanks her back. "Don't touch it!" she says, sounding panicked. "What if you get body swapped, too, and then all three of you are mixed up! That would make kissing even more awkward for them."

"That's fair," Beau says, and the object suddenly levitates itself into the air, except not on it's own because Veth stands nearby, concentrating.

"Mage hand!" she sings, and as the object lifts, Beau realizes it's a coin, but it's not made of a metal she recognizes.

Veth turns it slowly over and over, so they can see it from all sides. There are two faces -- one is a human and the other is some kind of monstrous thing with too many eyes and too much teeth. There's writing on it, too, but Beau can't read the language. She's guessing it's some kind of magic language. Probably a form of Draconic then.

"Hey, Caleb, come look at this," Beau says.

"Where did you get it, Caduceus?" Yasha asks, sounding the calmest of all of them. She tends to take this stuff in stride.

The coin wobbles midair and then falls back to the ground.

"Oops. Mage Hand only lasts for a minute," Veth says. "Maybe leave it there for now?"

"Everybody back off." Caleb plops down in front of the coin, book in his lap. "I need ten minutes of quiet." He starts to trace his little circle around the coin, and well, that's that.

Beau gestures everyone to give Caleb his space, and they kind of form a circle around him, too, so no random person interrupts Caleb's concentration. They’re standing in the middle of the street as it is, and people are flowing around them. If they don’t hurry, they’ll attract the attention of the Zhelezo.

Caduceus-inside-Fjord scratches at his jaw, then winces when he realizes he cut himself on a talon. "Ow. You should trim these, Fjord."

"I've been meaning to," Fjord-inside-Caduceus says. "Especially because... um. Nevermind."

Jester giggles. "Because it's safer for you if he does," she says.

"You didn't answer Yasha's question," Beau points out as she starts to pace. She wants to do something and sometimes, it's torture waiting for Caleb to finish his ritual. "Where'd you get it?"

"Oh!" Caduceus-inside-Fjord blinks and grins, and wow, that's a little creepy right there. "I found it at the Sea Floor's Bounty. She gave me a great price for it."

Veth narrows her eyes. "How much?"

"Does it matter?" Jester asks.

"No offense, but Mr. Clay's concept of how much things cost is a little skewed. She probably ripped him off," Veth points out.

"That's fair," says Caduceus-inside-Fjord.

Caduceus and Fjord, standing next to each other in their swapped bodies, are giving Beau the willies. Because they aren't standing right, and they don't look right, but they're still doing that thing where they lean into each other, and exchange heated glances, and make it pretty damn obvious all they want to do is kiss.

It's pretty gross.

Not because, you know, of what they are. Just... Beau doesn't like being around all that lovey-dovey crap, and it's weird to see Fjord being so lovey-dovey, and they're kind of like her family, not that Beau has really seen her parents be lovey-dovey.

Gah.

Bad thoughts all around.

"It's fine. Caleb can fix it," Veth says with a sense of certainty.

"Or we could ask Essek, I suppose," says Yasha. "He could help."

"Destroying things seems to work. We could try that," suggests Jester.

"That might not be a good idea," says Caduceus-inside-Fjord, and well, that's at least not weird. Fjord is sometimes the voice of caution. "What if destroying it makes us stuck like this?"

Fjord-inside-Caduceus makes an alarmed face, which goes back to weird because it's very rare for Caduceus to look alarmed unless they're in the middle of a battle that isn't going so well. "No destroying it! I don't want to be stuck like this. I mean, no offense, Deuces--"

"None taken, Fjord. I like your body just fine, but I like it from the outside, not from the inside. I want to be me, not you," Caduceus says, and then they're looking at each other in that soppy way, and Beau fights the urge to gag.

"But think of how kinky it could be," Jester says, and she's got her sketchbook out now, frantically scribbling down her thoughts in one of the pages. "I bet it'd be super weird to kiss like this. Why don't you try it?"

"No," they say in impressive unison.

Veth giggles.

"You're right," Yasha says. "Couples do act alike."

There's a snap as Caleb closes his book and sighs with an air of grievance. "Scheisse, it's amazing I can concentrate at all with the six of you chattering above me."

"Were you able to complete your spell, Caleb?" Jester asks.

Caleb tucks his book away and says, "I did," before he bends down and picks up the coin, slipping it into his pocket without a single hesitation.

Nothing happens.

"Good news is that we can pick it up right now with no ill effects," Caleb says, and that's definitely a smug smirk. He’s such a little shit sometimes. "And the same person can hold it without activating the magical properties."

"All right. What about us?" Fjord-inside-Caduceus asks.

"Yeah," Beau says. "What about them?"

Caleb gives them all a look that faintly feels as if he's chastising them before he says, "The better news is that the effect only lasts for an hour. Unfortunately, it can't be ended prematurely."

"Can we use it again though?" Jester asks, leaning in toward Caleb, and Beau can already see the ideas brimming inside that beautiful head of hers. Jester's no doubt imagining all the chaos she can wield with that coin.

Caleb's smart enough to recognize that, too. "The magic has been expended today, but yes, it could be used again tomorrow." He pats the pocket where he'd tucked the coin, and leaves his hand over it. "I think I'll keep it. For further study."

"Aw. But I want to look at it," Jester says.

"I don't think that's a good idea," both Fjord and Caduceus say in an eerie unison which makes shivers crawl up Beau's spine.

"Gross," she says.

"Now it’s just getting creepy," Veth says, speaking for all of them. "Stop doing that."

Fjord-inside-Caduceus harrumphs and folds his arms, which is such a non-Caduceus thing to do, it once again hits the realm of uncanny valley. "It's not like we did it on purpose."

"It's an unexpected bonus," Caduceus-inside-Fjord says, and then his forehead crinkles, and he looks like he's thinking very hard. "Can you hear my thoughts? Does it work like that?"

"No, it doesn't allow you to read thoughts," Caleb says with a sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "There's nothing to be done but wait it out, which we can do elsewhere."

Beau looks around. They are kind of blocking traffic and attracting stares. Then again, they'd do that anyway, given their colorful bunch. Still, Caleb has a point.

"We could go to the beach," Jester says, and her eyes light up with excitement. "Let's do that!"

"Water? No, thank you." Veth spins on a heel and starts off in the opposite direction. "I'm going to go back to Yeza and Luc instead. You guys have fun." She waves over her shoulder.

"But we haven't even settled on the beach yet," Yasha says to Veth's departing back.

Yeah, but Jester said it, and everyone knows if Jester wants to do it, everyone else will eventually agree as well. It's impossible to say no to her. Beau, in fact, had not even considered it.

"I think we'll head back to the chateau, too," says Fjord-inside-Caduceus, sharing another glance with Caduceus-inside-Fjord. They haven't been together that long, but they've already got that secret glance thing down pat. "Wait this out."

"Sure," Beau drawls, folding her arms. "A completely innocent wait in the privacy of your room. I'm sure that's all that's going to happen."

Jester giggles.

Caduceus-inside-Fjord looks confused. "What else would--"

"Come on," Fjord-inside-Caduceus says, laying a hand on his own shoulder and spinning him in the direction Veth had gone. "If you get her started, the others will join in, and then I'll want to tear my ears off."

"I feel like I'm missing something."

"I'll explain later."

Off they go, Caduceus-inside-Fjord with this weird, loping gait like he's trying to compensate for a height he no longer has, and Fjord-inside-Caduceus taking wobbly steps like the length of his legs makes it harder to gauge how to move.

"What do you think they're really going to do?" Jester asks.

"I haven't any interest in speculating," Caleb says, and turns to go the other direction, briefly looking up at the sun to orient himself. "Let's go to the beach, ja? That is what you wanted."

"I'm fine with the beach," Yasha says.

"Sure, why not." Beau shrugs.

Jester cheers and off they go.

At least, Beau hopes, the day can't get any weirder.

****