[FoF] Scars of Yesterday 17

[dracoqueen22]

Scars of Yesterday
Chapter Seventeen

Sunstreaker did not sleep.

He lay down and attempted to do so, Laserbeak curled in his arms with Buzzsaw curled around her, but sleep would not find him, and it seemed to elude the smaller twins as well. Laserbeak twitched and murmured with nightmares; Buzzsaw stared blankly at the far wall. Neither he nor Rumble had found any trace of their missing siblings.

Sideswipe’s back pressed to Sunstreaker’s, but he was too tense to truly be asleep.

Pre-dawn arrived, and Sunstreaker rose from the nest, rousing everyone else in the process. Exhaustion settled over them, but there was determination as well. Frenzy and Rumble burst into the room carrying armfuls of supplies – flashlights, a first aid kit, some food.

“Rung was up and about,” Frenzy said as they dumped their items down and started to sort through them. “We told him what’s going on, but he’s level-headed. He’ll keep quiet until we come back from our first search.”

“And then?” Sideswipe asked as he grabbed a scone to nibble on. He tried to offer one to Sunstreaker, but he waved it off.

Sunstreaker’s stomach was in too many knots to eat. He took a flashlight instead, flicking the switch to make sure it worked.

“And then we sound the alarm,” Rumble said with a sigh. “We’ll need help by that point.”

“It won’t come to that,” said Laserbeak, her feathers drooping, every inch of her appearing wan and exhausted. “We’ll find both of them.”

Her determination left no room for argument.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker did not have the stamina to fly for large lengths of time. Their previous captivity had left little room for the practice to build it, and as it was, they were terrible flyers. Short bursts and some soaring were all they could manage, though they’d been getting better.

This left them best suited for searching by ground while the other siblings would search by air in groups of two, performing long sweeps from above and hoping to catch a glimpse of their wayward brothers.

Pre-dawn was chilly and damp, the leaves heavy with dew, and their breaths emerging in soft, visible puffs. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker moved slower than those in the air as they set out in a westward direction, where they’d last seen Soundwave.

“Be careful of traps,” Laserbeak had warned them. “Sometimes the humans hunt around here, even though they know they’re not supposed to.”

“We will,” they had promised.

They didn’t exactly know what to look for, though Sunstreaker kept a careful eye on the ground beneath their feet. Memories of a clawed trap eating through Sideswipe’s ankle were still fresh.

“Should we call out for them?” Sunstreaker asked as they crept through the forest, twitching at every overloud crack of branches. Once startling when a deer bounded away from them.

“If there are hunters around, maybe not,” Sideswipe murmured. He kept looking up through the branches, keeping one eye on the sky in case he spotted one of the other siblings flying overhead with the good news.

They search for an hour, trudging ever westward, with nothing to show for their efforts but aching feet and growling bellies. A night spent without sleep slowed them down.

“You know, used to be we could go nearly a week without sleep and still kick the ass of anyone in the ring,” Sideswipe said with a wry grin.

“We’ve gotten soft,” Sunstreaker sniffed.

“All that good Aerie living.” Sideswipe sighed and looked up through the branches again, tracking the sun as it climbed higher in the sky. “You ever miss it?”

Sometimes. When they had so much free time, Sunstreaker didn’t know what to do with it. When the other harpies looked at them and Sunstreaker didn’t know what they were thinking. When Sideswipe wasn’t next to him all the time because they were starting to learn how to exist apart from each other.

Sometimes, life in captivity had been easier.

Not better. Just easier.

“Not really,” Sunstreaker lied.

“Yeah, me neither,” Sideswipe lied, too. But he bumped shoulders with Sunstreaker and smiled, so soft and sweet Sunstreaker’s core melted a little.

Branches rustled overhead, too deliberate to be the wind. They broke apart, instantly back to back, attention snapping upward. A dark shape lurked in the tree a few dozen feet ahead of them, stark against the emerald green of the leaves. Amber eyes blinked at them.

Wait.

“Ravage?” Sideswipe called out.

The dark mass unfolded from a large branch, dropping down to the forest floor in a defensive crouch. Black feathers glistened with a familiar opalescent sheen – like beetle’s wings, Mirage had once said.

“Found you,” he said.

“We were looking for you,” Sunstreaker said. “Where’s Soundwave?”

Ravage twitched his tail as he sat back on his haunches. “About twenty minutes behind me.”

“Why aren’t you with him? Why didn’t you two come home last night?” Sideswipe asked as relief crashed so hard into Sunstreaker, he nearly toppled from shaking knees.

“He’s safe. He’s with a friend,” Ravage said with a sigh. He cocked his head, looking them over. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

Sunstreaker growled, but Sideswipe shook his head.

“Look, we’ve already gotten the talk from Laserbeak. We’ll sort it out,” Sideswipe said as he glanced past Ravage’s shoulder in the direction Ravage had come. “He’s okay?”

“He’s bruised, but nothing Ratchet can’t fix.” Ravage pressed his lips together, eyes narrowed, before he continued, “Where are my siblings?”

Sunstreaker pointed up. “Searching from the air.”

Ravage sniffed. “They’ll never find us that way. Soundwave can’t fly right now.” He turned toward the nearest tree and scampered up into the lowest branches that would hold his weight. “Keep straight. There shouldn’t be any traps but keep your eyes open anyway.”

“He can’t fly!?” Sideswipe repeated, aghast.

“Why can’t he fly?” Sunstreaker demanded.

“I’m going to find the others,” Ravage said as he climbed higher, voice floating down to them. “The human’s name is Harrison. He’s a friend. Don’t harm him.”

Sunstreaker blinked.

“Who the fuck is Harrison?” Sideswipe demanded.

Branches shook. Leaves floated down. Ravage was gone.

“What in the world is going on?” Sunstreaker demanded, bewildered. He couldn’t believe Ravage would leave Soundwave with a human? Who in the world was Harrison?

“I don’t know, but I’m about to find out,” Sideswipe said as he charged into the woods in the general direction Ravage had pointed.

Sunstreaker hurried to catch up. He took some comfort from the fact Ravage seemed healthy and fine, even with the implication Soundwave “couldn’t fly.” Surely Ravage wouldn’t have left Soundwave behind if he were in bad shape.

Right?

It took longer than twenty minutes, probably because Ravage was far more nimble than they, and Sunstreaker remained wary of clawed traps for unsuspecting harpy ankles. They crashed through the woods without any sense of subtlety, scaring off the local wildlife in the process.

Sunstreaker didn’t care. He needed to see Soundwave. He needed to know Soundwave was safe.

They burst through a copse of bushes – some of them prickly and tearing away with more than a few feathered prizes – and skidded to a halt as they nearly collided with Soundwave and a human.

Harrison, Sunstreaker assumed, who had put himself between Soundwave and them, arms outstretched as though he were bodily protecting Soundwave, though he didn’t have a weapon to speak of.

No. Scratch that. Sunstreaker clocked a knife strapped to the man’s left thigh – hunting knife it looked like – though he didn’t reach for it.

“Oh, thank Adaptus,” Sideswipe said, sucking in a ragged breath. “We found you.”

“You know them, sir?” Harrison asked, his voice a deep rumble that Sunstreaker immediately appreciated. That and the respect in his voice.

“Peace,” Soundwave said, and Sunstreaker winced because he sounded awful, like he’d swallowed broken glass.

And a sling! His left arm was in a sling, held tight to his chest. He was only a head taller than Harrison, but even so, Sunstreaker could see the fabric slung around his neck.

“They are friends,” Soundwave said.

“What happened?” Sunstreaker demanded, his gaze flicking from Harrison to Soundwave and back again. He resisted the urge to bare his teeth, disliking how close the human was to Soundwave.

Harrison was tall for a human, uncomfortably tall, and he had big, broad shoulders like he knew how to handle himself. Or maybe it was the coat making him bulkier, Sunstreaker wasn’t sure. He wore a billed hat, but it didn’t hide his face – his brown skin, brown eyes, round features. Sunstreaker didn’t recognize him as one of his captors at least.

“An accident,” Soundwave answered. “Harrison not to blame.”

“No, I rescued them from a poacher’s trap,” Harrison said, finally lowering his arms. “Did you see Ravage?”

“We passed him. He moved ahead to tell the kids where you were,” Sideswipe answered. He hadn’t looked away from Harrison once, his body rigid and tense.

Sunstreaker kept his gaze on Soundwave instead because he didn’t like looking at the human. “We’re sorry,” he said instead and pulled the one technically unnecessary item he’d brought with him out of his pouch. “I brought your mask for you.”

He couldn’t see Soundwave’s eyes through the visor, but he’d like to hope they were as focused on him as he was on Soundwave.

Harrison shifted to the side and patted Soundwave’s uninjured arm. “I’ll just check ahead, make sure there aren’t any traps, that sort of thing. Yell if you need me?”

“Of course. Thank you, Harrison,” Soundwave murmured.

The human smiled, gave the Twins an askance look, and then scuttled off into the woods, making an enormous amount of noise with his booted feet. It wasn’t until he was out of sight that Sideswipe’s shoulders finally loosened a little.

Sunstreaker gnawed on his bottom lip and dared step within reach of Soundwave. “Um, do you want your mask?”

Soundwave exhaled quietly and shook his head. “Conversation necessary.”

Sunstreaker flinched and recoiled a step, back beside Sideswipe, certain that Soundwave wanted space from them. They’d done that. They’d caused him to have an accident. To hurt his arm. To get caught in a poacher’s trap.

It was their fault.

“We’re sorry,” Sideswipe said as he grabbed Sunstreaker’s hand and squeezed it, hard enough he felt the pinprick of his brother’s talons. “I should have asked if I could kiss you. I should have made sure you wanted it first. I should have done a lot of things differently.”

“We’re stupid,” Sunstreaker added, misery leaking into his tone. “We don’t know what we’re doing, and we messed up, and we hurt you.” He couldn’t stop staring at the sling, even with his eyes hot and blurry.

“We should have talked more,” Sideswipe continued, words pouring out of him in a rush. They rehearsed this a little with Laserbeak, but suddenly, Sunstreaker couldn’t remember anything from the conversation.

It was like the sight of Soundwave in a sling washed out all the words.

“It’s just, we like you a lot,” Sideswipe said and thank Adaptus his brain seemed to be working since Sunstreaker’s wasn’t. “We just wanted to see if maybe you liked us, too. It’s okay if you don’t, it’s just… I mean. We wanted to try.”

Was his arm broken? Was he in pain?

Sunstreaker squeezed Sideswipe’s hand harder. “We’re sorry,” he said, and it came out barely above a whisper, all he could manage through the thickness in his throat.

A moment of silence greeted their outpouring until Soundwave moved a step or two closer to them, within reach. “Apology not needed,” he said. “I misinterpreted and overreacted.”

Sideswipe’s smile was bleak. “We have a bad habit of surprising you, I guess.”

Soundwave made an agreeable noise, but his words were gentle. “I am no longer your caretaker,” he said. “But I still feel responsible for you. It would be unethical for me to answer your feelings.”

“Wait,” Sideswipe said.

“That’s not an answer,” Sunstreaker croaked. He managed to tear his gaze away from the sling, but Soundwave’s visor hid so much. “That just tells us why you shouldn’t, not whether you want to or not.”

Soundwave sighed, his shoulders sinking, and then he winced, his free hand rising to rest gently over the curve of his other shoulder. “You do not owe.”

“We know that,” Sideswipe huffed. “We’re dumb, but we’re not that dumb. We’ve learned that. We don’t owe. We don’t have to pay. We get to belong in the Aerie as much as anyone else.”

“Is it broken?” Sunstreaker asked.

Soundwave’s head swung toward him, inscrutable behind the visor. “Dislocated,” he said, gently pressing two fingertips to his shoulder, and Sunstreaker winced. He knew how much that hurt. He’s had both of his shoulders dislocated at one time or another.

“Because of us?” Sunstreaker asked.

“No.” Soundwave shook his head. “My error.”

“You’re avoiding the question,” Sideswipe said hotly. He was shaking, and Sunstreaker guessed he was shaking, too. Their hands were shaking together. “You’re talking about everything but what we need to talk about. Just tell us so we can stop wondering!”

Soundwave’s scarred lips formed a thin line as if he’d wiped his face of expressions. “I was kind,” he started, “and you had not known it before. It’s not unexpected that you would–”

“Fuck that,” Sideswipe snarled before Soundwave finished. “We know what our feelings are, and it’s not only because you were nice to us. Laserbeak said you would do this, and I can’t believe she was right.”

Soundwave flinched.

Sunstreaker squeezed his brother’s hand. “Sides, don’t push him. He’s hurt.” He took a step back and tried to pull Sideswipe with him. “Besides, we have our answer, don’t we? Just because it’s not the one we want, doesn’t mean it’s not an answer.”

Soundwave didn’t want them. Sideswipe probably didn’t want to believe it, but Sunstreaker didn’t want to fight it. Not with Soundwave standing there looking tired, his arm in a sling, his voice a rasp because he’d used it too much already.

“The others will catch up soon, and that human is around here somewhere,” Sunstreaker continued, babbling because he needed something to combat the tide of emotion swelling in his core. “Soundwave’s probably thirsty and hungry. You brought supplies in your pouch, didn’t you? There’s just a flashlight in mine.”

Sideswipe sighed and turned toward him, gently touching his cheek with his palm. “You’re right. I’m messing up again, aren’t I?”

Sunstreaker tilted his head into his brother’s palm, closing his eyes to breathe for a second. He would always have Sideswipe. That was always enough.

“We said what we came here to say,” Sunstreaker murmured. “Right? We tried, and that’s all we promised we’d do.”

“We did,” Sideswipe agreed and offered a gentle smile before he said, “And yes, I packed food and water because I have a bottomless stomach.”

Sunstreaker hiccuped a laugh.

“I apologize.”

Sunstreaker’s eyes widened. Sideswipe froze.

Soundwave moved closer to them, visible in Sunstreaker’s periphery. “It was wrong of me to dismiss your feelings,” he said. “Please know that it’s not a fault of yours, but mine.”

“Apology accepted,” Sideswipe said in a completely neutral tone. He gave Sunstreaker a reassuring smile before he faced Soundwave and plastered something much more fake on his face. “Do you want some water?”

Soundwave, however, was gnawing on his bottom lip. His hand had fallen back to his side, and his fingers curling in and out of slow fists. He was trembling, Sunstreaker realized, his tail twitching back and forth across the forest floor, leaves and other detritus caught in the longest feathers.

“Interest… reciprocated,” Soundwave said in that awful rasp, like the admission had been torn from him. “I should not, but I do.”

Sunstreaker’s mouth opened, but he didn’t have any words. They were swallowed up again. Sideswipe stared as if Soundwave had grown a second head in front of them.

“Wait,” Sideswipe said. “Are you saying that you want to be with us the same way we want to be with you? And just to be clear, I mean, in the way that lets us kiss you, and you kiss us, and if we’re all lucky, spending a night together where we kick the kids out of the nest.”

Sunstreaker’s eyes widened. “Sides!” he hissed.

“She said to be clear!” Sideswipe said, indignant. “I’m trying to be as clear as I possibly can. I want to kiss him. I want to fuck him. I want you to fuck him. I want–”

Sunstreaker threw his hand over his brother’s mouth, his face on fire as Soundwave made an incoherent sound that Sunstreaker had no idea how to interpret. “You’re being crude!”

Sideswipe bit his fingers. Sunstreaker ignored the pain.

“It’s not just rutting,” Sunstreaker said a little desperately. “It’s more than that, but we don’t know how to say it without you thinking we mean as friends or… or family members. We don’t want to be adopted.”

Sideswipe, muffled through Sunstreaker’s palm, said, “At least not by you. Laserbeak’s already staked her claim.”

Sunstreaker sighed.

“I feel the same,” Soundwave said after a moment, like he’d had to find his composure from wherever Sideswipe had scared it. “Though I should not.”

Sideswipe yanked Sunstreaker’s hand down. “If you’re so damn worried about the ethical bits, can’t we just talk to Megatron and make sure it’s okay? Isn’t that how things work around here? You just get permission?”

Soundwave shifted his weight. “... Perhaps.”

“Well then let’s do that!” Sideswipe threw his hands into the air with an exasperated huff. “Why does this have to be so complicated?”

Well.

Sunstreaker had to admit, he privately agreed with his brother. This did seem enormously complicated. They liked Soundwave; he liked them. Why couldn’t that be all which mattered?

Branches rustled loudly behind them, followed by the sounds of heavy footsteps and more branches creaking. “--right over here,” Harrison’s voice emerged from the forest, deliberately loud.

“Epic timing,” Sideswipe grumbled as Harrison burst into view with an assortment of Soundwave siblings all around him. In fact, the whole bunch were on his heels, and the moment Laserbeak saw Soundwave she darted through the air and attached herself to his chest.

“Where have you been!?” she wailed, clutching onto him, and failing to notice his wince as she clutched too hard at his shoulder. “Buzzsaw’s been so worried! He’s been even more grumpy than usual.”

“I have not,” Buzzsaw lied as he hopped up onto Soundwave’s uninjured shoulder and shoved at his twin with his foot. “Watch out. His shoulder’s hurt. Remember?”

“I remember,” Laserbeak said crossly, but she gentled her grip and shifted to cling to Soundwave’s chest feathers instead, looking up at him with concern. “We need to get you back to Ratchet. He’ll get you fixed up in no time.”

“I am sorry, flitterling,” Soundwave said, so very gentle, and he cupped her to his chest with his free hand since she could not perch on his other shoulder and Buzzsaw was absolutely not going to move. “I did not mean to worry you.”

“Well, you did!” Laserbeak huffed.

“You worried all of us,” Rumble said as he marched into view, doggedly dragging Frenzy behind him.

Frenzy gave Harrison both a wide berth and several nervous glances, not that Sunstreaker could blame the kid. “What’s worse is you technically left Ratchet in charge,” Frenzy said.

“He’s going to go mad with power if you don’t get back soon!” Buzzsaw squawked.

“We didn’t tell him. We know better than that, but if you don’t show up and put out some fires, he’s going to figure it out,” Rumble said.

The siblings descended upon Soundwave en masse, chatting and griping and trying to push and shove and pull him toward the Aerie. It was pure chaos, but Soundwave went along with it gamely, murmuring apologies and reassurances in equal measures.

It didn’t seem like something they should interrupt. Sunstreaker said as much to Sideswipe, who shrugged and sighed.

“We’ll just have to talk to him again later. He needs to get that shoulder looked at more than we need to figure things out anyway,” Sideswipe said as the noisy group of siblings barreled on toward the Aerie in the distance, large enough Sunstreaker could see it peeking through the foliage.

“I suppose this is where I say goodbye.”

Sunstreaker startled and whirled around to see Harrison awkwardly loitering nearby, though his gaze was mostly on Soundwave and the siblings departing toward home. He almost looked sad about it.

“You’re not coming back to the Aerie?” Sideswipe asked.

Harrison shook his head. “Don’t think that’s a place for humans right now, and rightly so. Maybe someday when tensions aren’t so high.” He smiled, but it was thin and a little wobbly. “Will you pass on a message for me?”

“Sure,” Sunstreaker said.

“Thanks.” Harrison glanced past them again, something wistful in his face, though it was so hard to tell with humans. “Tell Ravage he knows where to find me if he ever needs someone to talk to. I’m always around.”

Weird.

Sunstreaker blinked, but Sideswipe grinned lazily. “Sure. We’ll tell him. Hey, thanks for looking after them for us, too. You’re not bad for a human.”

Harrison scrunched his forehead. “You’re welcome.” He scratched at his jaw. “And thanks, I guess.” He tipped his head toward the others. “Watch out for traps and all that.”

“Will do.”

They parted ways, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe hurrying to catch up with the siblings, while Harrison trudged back the way he’d come. Sunstreaker caught him looking over his shoulder once or twice, as if reluctant to go.

Sunstreaker could sympathize.

He didn’t want to separate from Soundwave and the others either.

~

Ratchet did not want to believe their story.

“I don’t care how blind you are, you’re not that clumsy,” he’d declared when Laserbeak and Buzzsaw tried to spin some tale about Soundwave tripping and falling down the stairs.

He hadn’t pressed for more details, however. Instead, he’d properly bound Soundwave’s shoulder, prescribed several days of rest, and absolutely no flying for a week, possibly two if he wasn’t healing to Ratchet’s satisfaction.

He booted Soundwave out the door with a week’s worth of salica, an appointment for a follow-up in precisely seven days, and a warning Ratchet probably wouldn’t be available tomorrow.

“So kindly don’t fall down any more stairs,” he’d said with a drawl. “I’ll be useless for anything that’s not offering to rut with me for at least three days.”

Soundwave was not one to tease. Frenzy and Rumble, however, had taken the opening and dove right into it, bombarding Ratchet with names of available singles in the in Aerie, and asking whether he’d given them a try or not. It was an effective distraction for Soundwave to make his escape, salica in hand.

He was exhausted, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his nest and sleep, preferably with his family tucked safe around him. Fortunately, they all seemed inclined to agree. No one fled to their individual nook.

They were gentle in deference to his injured arm, but nevertheless, Soundwave was buried under the bulk of his siblings, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw especially curled together and tucked against his chest. Both of them still vibrated with worry, and of all Soundwave's guilt, he felt it most intensely for these two.

Frenzy and Rumble draped themselves over his legs as though ensuring he wouldn't rise from the nest for any reason but the most urgent. Ravage curled on his side, specifically between Soundwave and the door, when usually he would press to Soundwave's back.

This time, however, that space was occupied by Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, the former pressed to his back and the latter curled around his brother with one arm stretched out and over to rest a palm on Soundwave's side. Unlike his siblings, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were not yet asleep. Their emotions were chaotic, too quick for Soundwave to catch.

They still needed to sit down and have a genuine conversation.

Sunstreaker’s hand pressed down on his side, not painfully, but as if reminding himself Soundwave was present.

“Please don’t run off like that again,” Sideswipe murmured, and if they hadn’t been pressed so closely together, Soundwave might have missed it.

“If we do something wrong, tell us,” Sunstreaker added, his tone tight, his emotions far more restrained than his twins. “Punch us. Whatever. Just… don’t vanish.”

Their emotions synced, and strongest among them was concern. Soundwave was accustomed to receiving worry from his own siblings, from Megatron even, but from others? It was a distant concept.

“I will not,” Soundwave promised. “Conversation first.” He paused, rolling Sunstreaker’s words around before he amended, “I would not strike you.”

Their lives had been one of violence; Soundwave wouldn’t contribute to that. Not if there was any way possible to avoid it. He didn’t want them to associate him with violence.

“Sometimes, we might need it,” Sunstreaker said.

“No.” Soundwave tried to keep his tone as firm as possible, though he was aware of the rasp it still carried.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Sideswipe said, as if it was a foregone conclusion, and Soundwave had to chew on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from rolling over, waking all of his siblings, and hashing out this misconception in front of them.

“Conversation to be had,” Soundwave said instead.

“Not right now,” Buzzsaw growled from the vicinity of Soundwave’s chest. “Go to sleep. All of you.”

Sunstreaker snorted, but if he had something to say, he kept it to himself. Sideswipe squirmed closer, molding himself to Soundwave’s back, radiating contentment.

Sleep was the best option all around.

So Soundwave let the tide pull him under, surrounded by the warmth of his family. They could worry about answers and discussions and solutions in the morning.

***